Audrie Neenan credited as playing...
Admitting Nurse
- Admitting Nurse: Date of birth?
- Bertram Pincus: Why?
- Admitting Nurse: What day were you born?
- Bertram Pincus: No, I understood the question. Why do you need to know that?
- Admitting Nurse: Let's leave it blank. Weight?
- Bertram Pincus: Last night or this morning?
- Admitting Nurse: You pick.
- Bertram Pincus: Hundred eighty-two pounds.
- Admitting Nurse: Number of alcoholic beverages consumed per week?
- Bertram Pincus: Why do you need to know that?
- Admitting Nurse: Well, they want to know.
- Bertram Pincus: Well, I'm sure "they" want to know a lot of things, but I don't want my intimate details auctioned off to the highest bidder, willy-nilly.
- Admitting Nurse: I'll put zero. Marital status?
- Bertram Pincus: Pass.
- Admitting Nurse: Profession?
- Bertram Pincus: Irrelevant.
- Admitting Nurse: Food allergies?
- Bertram Pincus: I'm not going to be eating here.
- Admitting Nurse: Are you allergic to sticking plaster?
- Bertram Pincus: What a ludicrous question. I'm not answering any more of these, really.
- Admitting Nurse: Do you smoke?
- Bertram Pincus: Stop it.
- Admitting Nurse: Do you wear dentures?
- Bertram Pincus: Madame, listen.
- Bertram Pincus: [unwillingly giving hospital nurse personal information] Invasion of my privacy, that's what it is.
- Admitting Nurse: Wait'll they get you in the back.
- Admitting Nurse: [Pincus being admitted for his colonoscopy] When was the last time you ate?
- Bertram Pincus: A pertinent question at last. Yesterday, lunchtime. Thanks for asking. I had a tuna sandwich. Toast was soggy, but...
- Admitting Nurse: Did you drink the laxative solution?
- Bertram Pincus: Yes.
- Admitting Nurse: Did it work?
- Bertram Pincus: It was as advertised.
- Admitting Nurse: Did you evacuate your bowels?
- Bertram Pincus: I drank copious amounts of drain-cleaning fluid. What followed was fait accompli.
- Admitting Nurse: Sir, what I'm asking is if you were...
- Bertram Pincus: I shat. Okay? Good. Again and again. It was like a terrorist attack down there in the darkness and the chaos,the running and the screaming, okay?
- Admitting Nurse: Fine with me.
- Bertram Pincus: Good. Gross invasion of my privacy, this.
- Admitting Nurse: Wait till they get you in the back.