James Gandolfini credited as playing...
Tony Soprano
- Tony Soprano: This is gonna sound stupid, but I saw at one point that our mothers are... bus drivers. No, they are the bus. See, they're the vehicle that gets us here. They drop us off and go on their way. They continue on their journey. And the problem is that we keep tryin' to get back on the bus, instead of just lettin' it go.
- Tony Soprano: Talk about a trip. I met this girl, fuckin' beautiful. We did peyote.
- Silvio Dante: Come on!
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: Really?
- Carlo Gervasi: Bobby did mushrooms once. Stuffed mushrooms, a whole fuckin' platter.
- Salvatore 'Coco' Cogliano: [after Tony discovers the affront Coco made to Meadow he walks towards him who is talking to a waiter, with a gun] Some peppers and cheese, gorgonzola. Alright? Don't Forget
- Butch DeConcini: [Tony starts to beat Coco to a pulp] WHOA! WHOA!
- Tony Soprano: [training his gun at Butch] Sit down! SIT DOWN!
- Butch DeConcini: [sits down] Easy, easy!
- Tony Soprano: You motherfucker! My fuckin' daughter
- [beating Coco]
- Tony Soprano: My fuckin' daughter. MOTHERFUCKER! MY FUCKIN' DAUGHTER!
- [puts his gun in Coco's mouth]
- Tony Soprano: You want some Sambuca with this?
- Butch DeConcini: Tony! You're makin' a big fuckin' mistake here!
- Tony Soprano: [aiming at Butch again] How about I put a bullet in your fuckin' head huh?
- [pulls Coco and puts his mouth on the fireplace]
- Salvatore 'Coco' Cogliano: Don't do it!
- [Tony curb stomps Coco, making him lose some teeth as Butch looks away]
- Tony Soprano: [threatening Butch] Want some?
- Tony Soprano: When you were sick in the hospital, we talked. We shared a, uh... an understanding about life.
- Phil Leotardo: This is business, Anthony.
- Tony Soprano: Yeah, I know. But I'm talkin' to you here on a human level. There's a limit, Phil. C'mon. A point where business bleeds into other shit. Feelings make things financially unfeasible.
- Phil Leotardo: [chuckles] Charles Schwab, over here.
- Tony Soprano: So that's it. No leeway, no compromise, just stupid fuckin' jokes.
- Phil Leotardo: You want compromise, how's this? Twenty years in the can I wanted manicott', but I compromised. I ate grilled cheese off the radiator instead. I wanted to fuck a woman, but I compromised. I jacked off into a tissue. You see where I'm goin'?
- Little Carmine Lupertazzi: So, the reason I'm here you could probably guess.
- Tony Soprano: What happened at Coco's restaurant.
- Little Carmine Lupertazzi: This alteration you had with him. You're at the precipice, Tony, of an enormous crossroad.
- Tony Soprano: I'm depressed.
- Carmela Soprano: I'm telling you. Don't you start now.
- Tony Soprano: What does that mean?
- Carmela Soprano: It means what it means. I have enough on my plate, I don't need you adding to it with your bullshit.
- Tony Soprano: Bullshit? It's an illness and it's fuckin' hereditary.
- Carmela Soprano: Thank you, I know. I am intimately acquainted with the Soprano curse. Your father, your uncle, your great-grandfather who drove the donkey cart off the road in Avellino, all of it.
- Tony Soprano: Oh, you think it's a joke?
- Carmela Soprano: Am I laughing?
- Tony Soprano: Well, then what are you sayin'?
- Carmela Soprano: He didn't get it from my family. That's all I'm gonna say.
- Tony Soprano: Your family don't even talk. Your father's so bottled up it's a wonder he's even got a stomach left.
- Carmela Soprano: Yeah, as opposed to yours.
- Tony Soprano: At least my father was out front about what was botherin' him.
- Carmela Soprano: Right, with a bullet through your mother's beehive hairdo.
- Tony Soprano: [Tony enters the room and everybody becomes quiet] alright let's dispense with the five hundred pound elephant in the room, my kid tried to off himself we all fucking know, that's it? Nobody's got nothing to say?
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: How's he doing?
- Tony Soprano: They got him "under observation" whatever the fuck that means
- [to himself]
- Tony Soprano: stupid fuck, where did I lose this kid?
- [to everybody]
- Tony Soprano: what did I do wrong?
- Silvio Dante: Don't blame yourself
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: A lot of pressure on kids today
- Tony Soprano: It's enough for him to try to kill himself?
- Bobby 'Bacala' Baccalieri: It happens
- Tony Soprano: [to Bobby] did it happen to your kids?
- [to patsy]
- Tony Soprano: or yours?
- Patsy Parisi: They're all different my son Patrick I love him to death but he can be a moody prick sometimes
- Silvio Dante: When heather was fifteen she went through a rough patch
- Patsy Parisi: Jason same thing, his got the hyperactivity to boot
- Carlo Gervasi: My son too, the older one James
- Paulie Walnuts: He tried to kill himself?
- Carlo Gervasi: No, I don't know he gets the blues
- Silvio Dante: The important thing is AJ is getting the help he needs, whatever it is I'm sure it's just a chemical imbalance
- Paulie Walnuts: If you ask me it's all these toxins the kids are exposed to, it fucks with their brains, between the Mercury in fish alone, it's a wonder why there's even more kids jumping off bridges
- Tony Soprano: [Referring to AJ's suicide attempt] Why me huh?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Why not you?
- Tony Soprano: Because I'm a good guy basically, I love my family. There's a balance: there's a Ying, there's a Yang. You think you know, you think you learn something, like when I got shot
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Know what?
- Tony Soprano: Alright when I was Las Vegas I took peyote, I was curious I don't know
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You were searching for something?
- Tony Soprano: I saw some "things", not "things", per se hallucinations Roger Corman shit. It was kind of disappointing, it wasn't any of that
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What was there?
- Tony Soprano: It's kind of hard to describe, I mean you've done that right? Acid?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: No
- Tony Soprano: [after sighing] all I can say is I saw for pretty certain that everything we see and experience, is not all there is
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What else is there?
- Tony Soprano: Something else. That's as far I can go with it. I don't fuckin know
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Alternate universes?
- Tony Soprano: You're going to be a comedian now?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I'm not
- Tony Soprano: Maybe this is going to sound stupid but at one point that our mothers are bus drivers, no they are the bus, see? They're the vehicle that gets us here. They drop us off and go on their way. They continue on their journey and the problem is we keep trying to get back onto the bus. Instead of just letting it go
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: That's very insightful
- Tony Soprano: Jesus don't act so surprised
- Anthony Soprano, Jr.: [to Carmela] You know, it's always what you think, isn't it? It's never how I feel.
- Tony Soprano: Oh, poor you. It's all your mother fault, isn't it?
- Anthony Soprano, Jr.: I didn't say that.
- Tony Soprano: You're a mama's boy.
- Kelli Moltisanti: [while having dinner] I used to love that house, but now... it's so big, especially at night
- Tony Soprano: You know if you're afraid, all you gotta do is call, aright? Two minutes, I'll be over
- Kelli Moltisanti: [to him and Carmela] I know, you've been so great: both of you
- Carmela Soprano: Meadow had another mystery date
- Kelli Moltisanti: That sounds exciting
- Tony Soprano: [to AJ] What're you doing? Sit
- Carmela Soprano: I made your favorite: Steak Pizzaiola
- Anthony Soprano, Jr.: You know they spray virus on beef, rather than clean out the rat shit out of the slaughter houses?
- Carmela Soprano: [surprised] What is this now?
- Tony Soprano: [irritated] Jesus Christ
- Anthony Soprano, Jr.: It's true, read the paper
- Tony Soprano: I do read the paper: never heard that
- Anthony Soprano, Jr.: I'm not talking about the sports page and the FDA, they approved a virus spray because it kills a similar bacteria found on meat
- Tony Soprano: Must be a good thing then?
- Anthony Soprano, Jr.: Yeah, for the meatpackers: the fucking God and the bottom line
- Tony Soprano: [gestures to Kelli and Caitlin, referring to Christopher's death] That's enough, we're trying to eat here and your upsetting people that been through a tragedy
- Anthony Soprano, Jr.: Fine, bury your head in the sand
- Tony Soprano: [angrily] How about I bury your head in that fuckin wall instead?
- Carmela Soprano: Tony...
- Tony Soprano: [yells to AJ as AJ walks away, referring to AJ's lack of academic discipline, sarcastically] Twenty years he won't crack a book, all of a sudden, he's the world's foremost authority!
- Carmela Soprano: Well, at least his getting an education
- Tony Soprano: An education is getting a better job
- Carmela Soprano: His actually reading: this can't be bad
- Tony Soprano: [while in Satriale's] You don't look so good
- Agent Dwight Harris: [referring to the stress his going through] This job
- Tony Soprano: want a sandwich, Cannoli, on the house?
- Agent Dwight Harris: [shakes his head, referring to his diagnosis] Microbe virus from Pakistan
- Tony Soprano: [confused] Still?
- Agent Ron Goddard: Got a minute? We'd like to show you some pictures
- Tony Soprano: [jokingly] Angelina Jolie, I hope?
- Agent Ron Goddard: [when Harris shows Tony pictures of Ahmed and Muhammad] These the gentlemen?
- Tony Soprano: That's them
- Tony Soprano: [after Harris quickly puts the photos away] What the fuck? What?
- Agent Ron Goddard: Don't know, financing maybe?
- Tony Soprano: [surprised] "Maybe"?
- Agent Dwight Harris: Yeah, honestly, I don't even know if we still have them in the country
- Little Carmine Lupertazzi: [when Tony and Carmine show up at Phil's home] Butch, how are ya?
- Butch DeConcini: Phil's not accepting any visitors right now
- Little Carmine Lupertazzi: I just talked to him on the phone
- Butch DeConcini: I just talked to him in person: he ain't seeing nobody
- Little Carmine Lupertazzi: [before gesturing to Tony] what's going on Butch? I just "brokered" this "thing." He came here making a peace offering: a semi trail of drills: Makitas
- Butch DeConcini: we don't want your fuckin drills
- Tony Soprano: [pats Carmine on his shoulder] fuck it, let's go
- Tony Soprano: [when seeing her opening a parcel] What's that?
- Carmela Soprano: I got a mysterious package: postmarked Las Vegas
- Carmela Soprano: [after opening the gift box, reading the brand name, and seeing the expensive watch] Baume & Mercier, oh my God, this is so beautiful
- Tony Soprano: [shows her the inscription on the back of the watch] I had it engraved, here
- Carmela Soprano: [reading the engraving] You are my life, love T
- Tony Soprano: [referring to the limited space on the watch] they couldn't fit Tony
- Carmela Soprano: [jokingly, pats him on the stomach] I believe that, thank you but I don't know what it's for?
- Tony Soprano: Like I said, I was sorry I had to go out to Vegas when I did
- Carmela Soprano: Once you said you had to take care of Christopher's business interests, God knows Kelli will need the money: the baby
- Tony Soprano: [referring to the story of his father shooting a bullet through his mother's beehive hair style out of anger] Oh, I knew it, I was wondering how it gonna take before you threw that up at me?
- Carmela Soprano: Your amazing, you know that? In high school you were the happy go lucky rascal, the comedian, the rapscallion, but all of that was bullshit, wasn't it?
- Tony Soprano: [sarcastically] Oh, poor you, you got married under false pretenses
- Carmela Soprano: You've been playing the depression card until it's worn to shreds, now you've got our son doing it
- Tony Soprano: [raises his voice, surprised] Card?
- Carmela Soprano: You heard me
- Tony Soprano: Oh, it's all me, huh? Our sonny boy? You had nothing to do with it?
- Carmela Soprano: It wears you down is all I'm saying, do you have any idea what it's like to spend day after day with someone who's constantly complaining?
- Tony Soprano: [before she throws the expensive watch, he bought her at him] Fuck you!
- Phil Leotardo: [referring to Kelli, during a sit down] Your nephew's widow, did she get my flowers?
- Tony Soprano: If you sent them, I'm sure she did
- Phil Leotardo: Well, I won't be expecting a thank you any time soon: the grieving process takes time, the closer you are to somebody
- Tony Soprano: [nods] Yeah, I know
- Phil Leotardo: [referring to the issue they need to discuss] So, "brass tacks", what brings you out to the city?
- Tony Soprano: Good news: the condos at the navy yard, Paulie's guy at the joint fitters, says their breaking ground
- Phil Leotardo: That's good
- Tony Soprano: Good. The other thing, the asbestos, I thought about your "offer", what'd you say to fifteen percent, plus we forget about the balance on what you owe me on vitamin truck?
- Phil Leotardo: First off, it wasn't an "offer", it's my "position", twenty five percent
- Tony Soprano: That's it?
- Phil Leotardo: What else would you like me to say?
- Tony Soprano: Come on, what's the problem? I come here in good faith, I make a "reasonable" offer
- Phil Leotardo: Which I considered and rejected
- Tony Soprano: Do we need to talk in private?
- Phil Leotardo: For what?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [referring to AJ attempting suicide] it could've been a cry for help?
- Tony Soprano: are you listening? He did cry for help: his lucky I came home and heard him
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I meant the botched attempt, on some level, he may have known the rope was too long to keep him submerged
- Tony Soprano: or he could be just a fuckin idiot? Historically, that's been the case. Me and Carm were getting along so good too. My father and his panic attacks, my fuckin demented uncle, not to mention the other one, Eckley, the fuckin retard
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: you think there are other reasons why your son is so unhappy?
- Tony Soprano: his got the world by the balls: every fuckin advantage and he hits one little pothole and he goes into hysterics
- Tony Soprano: [when she doesn't respond] yeah, I know. I'm not taking the rap: not completely, she coddled him, his mother. I said it before, every little problem, she right there to pick him up: wipe off his tears on her apron
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: children need to feel safe
- Tony Soprano: [sarcastically] I'm sure that's made into the man he is today
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: are you ashamed of him?
- Tony Soprano: [nods] yeah, actually, I am, cowards' way out. You know what they call it?
- Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I think whoever said that, didn't understand depression but you do, don't you?
- Carmela Soprano: but that is not for you to decide
- Meadow Soprano: [after seeing Tony walking down the stairs] don't say anything
- Tony Soprano: [jokingly] what, you two talkin about me again?
- Tony Soprano: [to Meadow when neither of them respond] what's the matter?
- Meadow Soprano: nothing
- Tony Soprano: [insistently] what?
- Meadow Soprano: do you know a guy named "Coco"?
- Tony Soprano: why?
- Carmela Soprano: she was out on a date last night and he came over and "pulled" some crap
- Tony Soprano: [surprised] what?
- Tony Soprano: [while sitting down] how?
- Meadow Soprano: we were in the city: Little Italy, we were having dessert, and... he came up out of nowhere and started saying all this "weird stuff"
- Tony Soprano: what kind of "weird stuff"?
- Meadow Soprano: how he'd like to "tuck me in" at night
- Tony Soprano: [surprised] "tuck you in"?
- Meadow Soprano: [disgusted] I smelled the Sambuca on his breath
- Tony Soprano: what "exactly" did he say?
- Meadow Soprano: he came up to us and he asked me if I was your daughter, and then he said I had whipped cream on my mouth
- Tony Soprano: yeah, what else did he say?
- Tony Soprano: [when he sees her worried] it's alright, it's ok, he's an idiot, but his harmless. I'll talk to somebody
- Anthony Soprano, Jr.: [to Tony, during AJ's therapy session] Your gonna call me names now?
- Carmela Soprano: No one is calling anyone any names
- Anthony Soprano, Jr.: [to Carmela] How about my confirmation? You called me an animal
- Carmela Soprano: [adamantly] I did not
- Anthony Soprano, Jr.: I was in the garage, you said What kind of animal smokes marijuana at his confirmation?
- Carmela Soprano: [to Vogel] He was using illegal drugs in the home
- Anthony Soprano, Jr.: [to Carmela] Did it ever occur to you that I might have been self-medicating?
- Tony Soprano: [to AJ, doubting him] Give me a break, will ya?
- Anthony Soprano, Jr.: [to Carmela] How about in second grade? You made me show up to school in that dorky raincoat? I got beat up because of it
- Carmela Soprano: [referring to locking himself in his bedroom] You would hole up in that room for hours
- Anthony Soprano, Jr.: Because I was never really secure expressing my feelings in that house, that's why
- Carmela Soprano: [referring to the poem The Second Coming by WB Yeats to Vogel] What kind of poem is that to teach college students?
- Dr. Richard Vogel: Would you like to tell your parents what your grandmother said?
- Carmela Soprano: [surprised] My mother?
- Anthony Soprano, Jr.: Grandma, dad's mom
- Tony Soprano: [irritated] What'd she say?
- Anthony Soprano, Jr.: That, It's all a big nothing
- Tony Soprano: What is?
- Anthony Soprano, Jr.: Life
- Tony Soprano: [to Vogel] That was her, alright
- Tony Soprano: Ok, fine, she said those kind of things
- Anthony Soprano, Jr.: She sat up in bed, when she can hardly move: she can hardly breath. She said In the end, that your friends and family let you down, that you die in your own arms
- Tony Soprano: When was this?
- Anthony Soprano, Jr.: When she was in that nursing home: you used to make me go see her
- Tony Soprano: [while gesturing to sit down] You want anything?
- Little Carmine Lupertazzi: [referring to AJ's attempted suicide] I'm good, if there's anything I can do for Anthony Jr.
- Tony Soprano: Thank you
- Little Carmine Lupertazzi: When Alexandra had that bout with anorexia, we had this terrific psychologist
- Tony Soprano: She tried to kill herself, your daughter?
- Little Carmine Lupertazzi: No
- Tony Soprano: She had serious problems though, didn't she?
- Little Carmine Lupertazzi: Not really: it's all under control
- Little Carmine Lupertazzi: [when Tony doesn't respond] So, the reason I'm here, you can probably guess?
- Tony Soprano: What happened at Coco's restaurant?
- Little Carmine Lupertazzi: [referring to Tony assaulting Coco after he sexually harassed Meadow] This altercation you had with him: you're at the precipice of this, of an enormous crossroad. Phil's considering shutting down the Hackensack mall project with the plumbing strike as we speak
- Tony Soprano: Well, fuck it, let him
- Little Carmine Lupertazzi: Easy for you, I have the scaffolding contract
- Tony Soprano: [sarcastically] Oh, money, is that what this is all about, what'd I owe you?
- Little Carmine Lupertazzi: Come on, huh? You know me better than that
- Tony Soprano: My daughter, my daughter, you got a little girl
- Little Carmine Lupertazzi: You almost killed the guy
- Tony Soprano: I should've killed him. I would've had total support but I held myself back!
- Little Carmine Lupertazzi: You were being prudent
- Tony Soprano: Fuck that... I lost it. Timing couldn't have been worse but what the fuck?
- Little Carmine Lupertazzi: [before Tony slaps a jar of breadsticks off the table] So, you go to Phil, I go with you, hats in hand, bended knees