Ricky Schroder credited as playing...
Ricky Stratton
- Derek Taylor: That was so sappy, Norman Rockwell would have refused to paint it.
- Ricky Stratton: Derek, you don't have to get ashamed about showing emotions.
- Derek Taylor: OK, maybe for a second - a millisecond - I wished that my family would get along as well as you guys do. But I'm over that now - case of temporary insanity.
- Ricky Stratton: Why are so many people getting a divorce? I mean, when you get married, it's supposed to be "'til death do us part".
- Edward Stratton III: Well, sometimes it becomes worse than death.
- Derek Taylor: Mr. Stratton, I don't want to go to St. Louis. Could, uh... could I stay here with you guys?
- Edward Stratton III: ...Listen, Derek - we would love to have you. Wouldn't we, Rick?
- Ricky Stratton: [stunned, then realizing] ... I *would* like that. It's amazing!
- Derek Taylor: Man - we've had some good times together, haven't we?
- Ricky Stratton: We sure have.
- Derek Taylor: Rick, uh... this is my last chance to ask a question that's - that's been on my mind for a long time. Since we've known each other, there may have been one... two instances when I may have been a little hard to take.
- Ricky Stratton: Noooooo.
- Derek Taylor: Yeah - really! And the thing is, is that no matter how many rotten, dirty tricks that I pull on you... you always stayed my friend. How come?
- Ricky Stratton: ...You know, I've asked myself that question a thousand times.
- Derek Taylor: You ever come up with an answer?
- Ricky Stratton: Yeah! 'Cause, you see, no matter how big a pain in the butt you are, life with Derek Taylor is never boring!
- Derek Taylor: I try.
- Derek Taylor: Rick, you are without a doubt the most upfront, upright, uptight, disgustingly straight arrow best friend a guy ever had.
- Ricky Stratton: Derek, you are without a doubt the most underhanded, unwholesome, untrustworthy, outrageously scuzzy best friend a guy ever had.
- Derek Taylor: Thanks!
- Ricky Stratton: You're welcome.
- Derek Taylor: ...You know what?
- Ricky Stratton: What?
- Derek Taylor: I'm really gonna miss you.
- Ricky Stratton: I'm gonna miss you, too.
- Ricky Stratton: I wanna give you this.
- Derek Taylor: It's your Swiss Army knife. That's one of your most favorite things.
- Ricky Stratton: Yeah, well... well, now you'll have something to remember me by.
- Derek Taylor: Thanks. Hey... I want you to have this.
- [takes off the watch he's wearing and hands it to Ricky]
- Ricky Stratton: [examining the watch] This is my watch. I loaned it to you a month ago.
- Derek Taylor: Oh, yeah. Keep it.
- [last lines]
- Ricky Stratton: I was watching Phil Donahue last week, and there was a bunch of wives on the show talking about "The Gray Itch."
- Derek Taylor: "The Gray Itch." Is that anything like the heartbreak of psoriasis?
- Ricky Stratton: No, no, you see, it -- you see, it's when a man becomes middle-aged and his hair starts turning gray. He starts to worry whether women will still think he's sexy. It's an itch. So he finds himself a woman and... scratches.
- Derek Taylor: Did the wives in the show forgive their husbands?
- Ricky Stratton: I don't know. I got bored and switched to The Flintstones. But Wilma did forgive Fred for going bowling on their anniversary.
- Derek Taylor: Can I stay?
- Ricky Stratton: Sure - I'll ask my dad... But you have to promise not to be your usual obnoxious self.
- Derek Taylor: Moi? I'm famous for being the perfect guest... Do you mind if I take the bed, and you take the floor?
- Ricky Stratton: The gift of a valentine is a way to say to somebody that I love you. You see, I'm explaining this to you so you'll understand why you never received one.
- Derek Taylor: You know, I am a little nervous about what's gonna happen to me in St. Louis.
- Ricky Stratton: I'm more nervous about what's gonna happen to St. Louis.
- Kate Summers: Who is this?
- Freddy Lippincottleman: It's me, Freddy. Don't you recognize me?
- [Ricky clears his throat]
- Freddy Lippincottleman: Oh, I mean, I am Cupid, the god of love. I am here to... uh, here to...
- Ricky Stratton: Smite you.
- Freddy Lippincottleman: Rick, who talks like that?
- Ricky Stratton: You do if you want your five bucks.
- Derek Taylor: My dad's been cheating on my mom again.
- Ricky Stratton: Oh. I -- I thought he was getting help in group therapy?
- Derek Taylor: He was. And then he met another lady in the group who had the same problem. And they both just got back from a weekend in Atlantic City.
- Ricky Stratton: Well, they probably had fun.