Dylan Sprouse credited as playing...
Zack Martin
- Zack Martin: Cody, there's no need to be jealous. Barbara is crazy about you.
- Cody Martin: Yeah. She did give me an engraved protractor for my birthday.
- Zack Martin: And if that's not nerd love, I don't know what love is.
- [Cody plays a depressing rendition of a famous musical number on the French horn]
- Zack Martin: Dude, you're bringing me down. What is that?
- Cody Martin: "Ode to Joy".
- Zack Martin: Sergei's in love with Barbara and he's going to take her back to Russia and raise llamas.
- Cody Martin: What?
- Zack Martin: I know. Llamas sound weird. There's more money in alpacas.
- Zack Martin: Cody, you're jealous of a rumor. And I'm not even sure I heard it right.
- Cody Martin: [crying] Oh, great! Now I've ruined my life by dumping Barbara,
- [squeaky]
- Cody Martin: I have NOTHING!
- Carey Martin: You have a family that loves you.
- Cody Martin: [still crying] I mean something that I care about!
- [Mrs. Madigan is terrified that Zack is in her class]
- Zack Martin: That's odd. My new math teacher said the same thing when I walked into his class.
- Mrs. Madigan: That's because there's a "Beware of Zack" poster in the teacher's lounge.
- Zack Martin: Actually, my name stage name is "Nasty Z: The Dark Prince of Awesome!"
- Cody Martin: Barbara Simka Brownstein, you have betrayed me, and the love that we shared! I was learning Yiddish for you, and all I get in return is... Tsuris! We're through!
- [Cody storms out of class, as Zack plays the kettle drum to the beat of his stomping. Cody gives Zack a dirty look before leaving as Zack continues to play the drum]
- Zack Martin: [to Mrs. Madigan] And you got me playing the triangle.
- [scoff]
- Cody Martin: That stupid Sergei thinks he's so great just because he's...
- Zack Martin: Great?
- Cody Martin: Barbara seems to think so. I never want to see his stupid face again.
- Zack Martin: What do you think of the poster I made for your fund-raiser?
- [Cody furiously yanks the poster out of Carey's hands and rips it to shreds]
- Zack Martin: A simple "I don't like it" would've been fine.