Johnny Galecki credited as playing...
Leonard Hofstadter
- [last lines]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Well, what did she mean by that? Or was that just a generic platitude or was that a subtle bid for attention?
- Sheldon Cooper: You know why this hamburger surpasses the Big Boy? This is a single-decker hamburger whereas the Big Boy is a double-decker. This has a much more satisfying meat to bun to condiment ratio.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Are you even listening to me?
- Sheldon Cooper: Of course I'm listening. "Blah blah, hopeless Penny delusion, blah blah."
- Leonard Hofstadter: Okay then. You know, you can grow the ingredients for soup.
- Sheldon Cooper: I like the hamburgers where we usually have hamburgers, you can't make the assumption that I'll like the hamburgers here.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm sorry. Give him a hamburger.
- Penny: Uh, which one, the Classic Burger, the Ranch House Burger, the Barbecue Burger or the Kobe burger?
- Sheldon Cooper: Can't we just go to Big Boy? They only have one burger. The Big Boy.
- Penny: The Barbecue Burger is like the Big Boy.
- Sheldon Cooper: Excuse me, in a world that already includes a Big Boy, why would I settle for something like a Big Boy?
- Penny: Because you are not at Big Boy!
- Sheldon Cooper: Fine, I'll have the Barbecue Burger.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Leslie and I do research together at the university.
- Penny: Oh, wow! A girl scientist.
- Leslie Winkle: Yup, come for the breasts, stay for the brains.
- [first lines]
- Sheldon Cooper: Alright. I'm moving my infantry division, augmented by a battalion of orcs from Lord of the Rings. We fight the Tennessee Volunteers, and the North once again wins the Battle of Gettysburg.
- Howard Wolowitz: Not so fast. Remember the South still has two infantry divisions, plus Superman and Godzilla.
- Leonard Hofstadter: No, no, no no. Orcs are magic; Superman is vulnerable to magic. Not to mention, you already lost Godzilla to the Illinois Cavalry and Hulk.
- Raj Koothrappali: Why don't you just have Robert E. Lee charge the line with Shiva and Ganesh?
- Penny: Hey, you guys ready to order?
- Howard Wolowitz: Hang on, honey. Shiva and Ganesh? The Hindu gods against the entire Union army?
- Leonard Hofstadter: And orcs!
- Penny: I'll be back.
- Raj Koothrappali: Excuse me, Ganesh is the remover of obstacles and Shiva's the destroyer. When the smoke clears Abraham Lincoln will be speaking Hindi and drinking mint juleps.
- Penny: Alright, my boss says you have to either order or leave and never come back.
- Howard Wolowitz: Hey, look, it's Dr. Stud.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Doctor what?
- Howard Wolowitz: The blogosphere is a-buzzing with news of you and Leslie Winkle making
- [gibberish noises to imply sexual intercourse]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Wha... how did it get on the Internet?
- Howard Wolowitz: I put it there.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Well, how did you know about it?
- Raj Koothrappali: A little bird told us. Apparently you were a magnificent beast.
- Leslie: Listen, neither of us are neuroscientists, but we both understand the biochemistry of sex. I mean, dopamine in our brains is released across synapses, causing pleasure. You stick electrodes in a rat's brain, give him an orgasm button, he'll push that thing until he starves to death.
- Leonard: Well, who wouldn't?
- Leslie: Well, the only difference between us and the rat is that you can't stick an electrode in our hypothalamus. That's where you come in.
- Leonard: Yeah, well, I'm just glad to be a part of it. So what happens now?
- Leslie: I don't know about your sex drive, but I'm probably good till New Year's.
- Leslie Winkle: We rehearse on Tuesday's at your place.
- Leonard: Why at my place?
- Leslie Winkle: Yeah, the Department of Energy said our regular space is kind of a hot zone.