Jim Parsons credited as playing...
Sheldon Cooper
- Sheldon Cooper: [furious that Leslie wrote on his board] I don't come in to your house and touch your board!
- Leslie Winkle: There are no incorrect equations on my board.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, that is so... so...
- Leslie Winkle: I'm sorry, I gotta run. If you come up with an adjective, text me.
- Sheldon Cooper: [after Leslie leaves and a brief pause] Inconsiderate. THAT is the adjective! Inconsiderate.
- Penny: So, how's everything?
- Sheldon Cooper: Terrific. You'll be happy to know that I plan to come here every Tuesday night for the foreseeable future.
- Penny: Really? Oh, yay!
- Sheldon Cooper: Who do I speak to about permanently reserving this table?
- Penny: Um, I don't know. A psychiatrist?
- [last lines]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Well, what did she mean by that? Or was that just a generic platitude or was that a subtle bid for attention?
- Sheldon Cooper: You know why this hamburger surpasses the Big Boy? This is a single-decker hamburger whereas the Big Boy is a double-decker. This has a much more satisfying meat to bun to condiment ratio.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Are you even listening to me?
- Sheldon Cooper: Of course I'm listening. "Blah blah, hopeless Penny delusion, blah blah."
- Leonard Hofstadter: Okay then. You know, you can grow the ingredients for soup.
- Penny: Hey, Sheldon. What's going on?
- Sheldon: I need your opinion on a matter of semiotics.
- Penny: I'm sorry?
- Sheldon: Semiotics, the study of signs and symbols. It's a branch of philosophy related to linguistics.
- Penny: Okay, sweetie, I know you think you're explaining yourself, but you're really not.
- Sheldon Cooper: I don't know what the protocol is here? Do I stay? Do I leave? Do I wait to greet them with a refreshing beverage?
- Penny: Gee, Sheldon, you're asking the wrong girl. I'm usually on the other side of the tie.
- Sheldon Cooper: I like the hamburgers where we usually have hamburgers, you can't make the assumption that I'll like the hamburgers here.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm sorry. Give him a hamburger.
- Penny: Uh, which one, the Classic Burger, the Ranch House Burger, the Barbecue Burger or the Kobe burger?
- Sheldon Cooper: Can't we just go to Big Boy? They only have one burger. The Big Boy.
- Penny: The Barbecue Burger is like the Big Boy.
- Sheldon Cooper: Excuse me, in a world that already includes a Big Boy, why would I settle for something like a Big Boy?
- Penny: Because you are not at Big Boy!
- Sheldon Cooper: Fine, I'll have the Barbecue Burger.
- [first lines]
- Sheldon Cooper: Alright. I'm moving my infantry division, augmented by a battalion of orcs from Lord of the Rings. We fight the Tennessee Volunteers, and the North once again wins the Battle of Gettysburg.
- Howard Wolowitz: Not so fast. Remember the South still has two infantry divisions, plus Superman and Godzilla.
- Leonard Hofstadter: No, no, no no. Orcs are magic; Superman is vulnerable to magic. Not to mention, you already lost Godzilla to the Illinois Cavalry and Hulk.
- Raj Koothrappali: Why don't you just have Robert E. Lee charge the line with Shiva and Ganesh?
- Penny: Hey, you guys ready to order?
- Howard Wolowitz: Hang on, honey. Shiva and Ganesh? The Hindu gods against the entire Union army?
- Leonard Hofstadter: And orcs!
- Penny: I'll be back.
- Raj Koothrappali: Excuse me, Ganesh is the remover of obstacles and Shiva's the destroyer. When the smoke clears Abraham Lincoln will be speaking Hindi and drinking mint juleps.
- Penny: Alright, my boss says you have to either order or leave and never come back.
- Sheldon: [learning Leonard has a girl over] This is very awkward.
- Penny: Oh, come on. You know, Leonard's had girls over before, right?
- Sheldon: Oh, yes. But there's usually planning, courtship, advance notice. You know, last time I was able to book a cruise to the Arctic to see a solar eclipse.
- Penny: Wait, wait. You had to leave the state because your roommate was having sex?
- Sheldon: I didn't *have* to, the dates just happened to coincide.
- Penny: So, you know who's in there?
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, there's Leonard...
- [picks up violin case]
- Sheldon Cooper: and he's either with Leslie Winkle or a 1930s gangster.
- Sheldon Cooper: [Sheldon shows Penny the tie hanging from Leonard's doorknob] What does it mean?
- Penny: Oh come on, you went to college.
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes, but I was eleven.