James Brolin credited as playing...
Ben Selleck
- Ben Selleck: Look, I may be old fashioned, but when a man tells me to wear my boner pants I wear my boner pants.
- Ben Selleck: And who is this guy? Well you are a strapping young man.
- Brent Gage: Brent Gage, Sir.
- Ben Selleck: Brent Gage, Now that is a strong name. I don't know why but right off the bat i like you... *a lot*
- Teddy Dang: Mr. Selleck, I think i made a sale.
- Ben Selleck: Terrific, good job Teddy!
- Teddy Dang: And he wants to pay in cash, non sequential unmarked bills, neatly packed in this canvas bag.
- Ben Selleck: well thats a bank bag Teddy...
- [bag full of blue dye packs explodes in Teddy's face, customer speeds away]
- Teddy Dang: Ah! My eyes, My eyes! My Lasik!
- Ben Selleck: Awe shit somebody call the cops.
- Teddy Dang: It Burns!
- Ben Selleck: Teddy go flush your eyes out.
- Teddy Dang: I feel like a smurf just jizzed in my face!
- Don Ready: You're here from Selleck Motors?
- Peter Selleck: No but my dad is.
- Don Ready: You know you're supposed to put the name of the party you're picking up not your own. Love the drawing though.
- Peter Selleck: Yea I'm a really good drawer, I like to draw stomach muscles the most. I can also draw Darth Vader's Helmet, I can also draw him, I can draw uhh a saber, A lightsaber or a regular sword it dudnt even matter
- Don Ready: What the fuck is wrong with you? Are ya drunk? Are you retarded? Because were here to help you.
- Peter Selleck: Don't move! Dad! Amber Alert! Adult! Stranger Danger Stranger Danger! Dad!
- Babs Merrick: Looks like it wasn't the fax ink, hes some sort of man child.
- Ben Selleck: Its a pituitary problem ma'am, Hes 10... in the developing body of an adult
- Don Ready: Awe I'm sorry buddy, I'm totally sorry. Put it up there high five, good effort there
- Ben Selleck: Hey Brent, you see my wife over there?
- Brent Gage: Yea
- Ben Selleck: it is a *dead* marriage but, ya know, ya learn to live with it. Drive around out at night windows down, music up. Some people call it cruisin' me i call it looking for a friend. Are you my friend Brent?
- Brent Gage: No!
- Don Ready: Make sure your underwear is *tight* tomorrow... because you will have a boner.
- Peter Selleck: Hahaha!
- Jibby Newsome: Amen
- Ben Selleck: I like the sound of that, Right Brent?