Witless Protection

I decided to watch this movie despite all of the bad reviews. It's a good thing I saw one review that said otherwise. I agree with that one single review out of all the reviews. It is definitely not a bad movie at all. I was laughing a lot while watching this movie and that doesn't happen to often with me. I've watched movies with high ratings only to feel like my time was stolen from me. So don't go by all the negative reviews that you see. I am not one of those that enjoy slapstick comedies much but this one has a thumbs up from me. Larry the Cable Guy was great in this movie. Although it was not believable (I watch movies to escape from reality) it was a humdinger.

This is one of those slight-of-hand smart comedies, which explains why its target audience hated it so much. A bit too intellectual for them.

A lot of the stuff involves dumb gags, silly (and easily seen over-the-top) stereotypes, and the acting is not going to win any awards for comedy or otherwise. But it is all wound up into an enjoyable story and directed well enough that even Eric Roberts is able to handle his role. It also has enough complexity and subtlety to keep it interesting (provided you're able to make it through the first 10 minutes, which really is bad, but does still tie into the story).

Maybe the problem is that the target audience can't handle the memory required to get past the first 10 minutes.

Larry Stalder is a small town sheriff's deputy with a sagging midsection and a grandiose dream of one day becoming an agent for the FBI. He doesn't exactly enhance his chances of fulfilling that dream when he "rescues" a woman whom he mistakenly believes has been kidnapped by what he thinks is a gang of sunglass-wearing mobsters. In actuality, they are federal agents transporting a whistle-blower to a trial in Chicago where her testimony could spell big trouble for a powerful, Enron-type CEO with whom she was once romantically involved. A lengthy cross country chase ensues with the agents hot on the heels of this nitwit law enforcer and his unwitting "hostage."

Armed with crime-fighting knowledge he's gleaned primarily from cable TV, and with a malapropism for every occasion, Larry bumbles his way from one outlandish situation to the next, somehow managing to stay one step ahead of the authorities at all times.

Larry the Cable Guy has that rare ability to perform low comedy routines without having to resort to self-conscious mugging to garner laughs. Likewise, Ivana Milicevic, Eric Roberts, Joe Mantegna, Jenny McCarthy and a whole host of other comic actors throw themselves into their roles with a great deal of abandon and aplomb.

The humor is broad (to put it mildly), but it is more often fleet-footed than flatfooted, and the whole enterprise is so dopey and good-natured that you may just find yourself chuckling right along with all the goofiness - provided, that is, you can put your brain on hold for the full hour-and-a-half that the movie takes to play itself out.

I wish I could tell you the plot of this movie but it failed to have one. I can't believe I watched it all the way through. It garnered about 2 laughs from me. It had too much crude humor that left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Not to mention the bathroom jokes. Larry, played by Larry, is a cop(of sorts?) thinking that Madeleine(Ivana) is kidnapped when she is actually in the witness protection program. Craziness ensues and I can't say much else. It was hard to follow-or maybe it was because I kept zoning out during the movie. I love slapstick but I think I'll stick to Jim Varney's slapstick humor. There seems to be some similarity between the two comedians. The hat, the accent, the clothes(coincidence?) and the fact that they both did stand up and went to movies though Varney was a whole lot better. Let's just hope Larry doesn't start branching out into commercials. I say, stick with the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, which I think works best for Larry and please stop making movies. I'm afraid to watch the other movies that Larry has made. But, I watched this movie, trying to give it the benefit of the doubt. I did have an open mind, but I just couldn't like it.

Larry the Cable Guy (Daniel Lawrence Whitney) is an excruciatingly funny stand-up comedian. He knows how to hit a mark. It's obvious he's disciplined enough to fulfill all the requirements of doing a workmanlike job in front of a camera.

Yet.

Doing a movie with this level of scripted awfulness is a witless and heartless crime. Why is stupid acceptable? Why waste "Larry?"

Because there are enough lunkheads who will pay from seven to ten bucks to see this trash in a theatre (we thought we'd take a chance on it, using a Netflix gift membership, so it wouldn't cost us anything).

Witless was the perfect adjective.

And no amount of Jenny McCarthy's skin could make this movie any better.