Rashida Jones credited as playing...
Karen Filippelli
- Karen Filippelli: What you're saying is extremely misogynistic.
- Michael Scott: Yes. Thank you. That was not necessary, but I appreciated it. And it proves my point. Women can do anything.
- Karen Filippelli: I'm saying that you're being sexist.
- Michael Scott: No. I'm being misogynistic. That is insane. I am not being sexist.
- Karen Filippelli: That's the same thing.
- Phyllis Lapin: Michael.
- Michael Scott: Yes.
- Phyllis Lapin: When I got my hair cut short, you asked me if I was a lesbian.
- Michael Scott: Because... That was one possible explanation as to why you got that haircut.
- Angela: And when we get mad, you always ask us if we're on our periods.
- Michael Scott: I have to know whether you're serious or not.
- Michael Scott: [Michael has just finished writing a pros and cons list about Jan] Done.
- Pam Beesley: Read the pros first.
- Michael Scott: Ok, Jan is smart, uh, successful, good clothes, hot, perfect skin, nice butt.
- Phyllis Lapin: She does have very nice clothes.
- Karen Filippelli: Ok, ok, uhm... cons.
- Michael Scott: Cons: wears too much make up; breasts, not anything to write home about, insecure about body, I'm unhappy when I'm with her, flat-chested...
- Pam Beesley: What was the last one?
- Michael Scott: She's totally flat, shrunken chesticles.
- Phyllis Lapin: No, the one before that.
- Michael Scott: I'm unhappy when I'm with her.
- Pam Beesley: [pause] Michael, you shouldn't be with someone who doesn't make you happy.
- Michael Scott: I'm happy sometimes. Uhm... when we scrapbook or right towards the end of having sex.
- Karen Filippelli: Look, most relationships have their rough patches, you just have to push through it sometimes.
- Michael Scott: Man, that's smart.
- Pam Beesley: Maybe. But it sounds like you're just wrong for each other.
- Michael Scott: That sounds good too.
- [Pam and Karen look at each other, and the latter acts uncomfortable]
- Michael Scott: I don't know who's right. I just, I don't know. I don't know.
- Phyllis Lapin: I bet you know, don't think, just answer, what you wanna do about Jan?
- Michael Scott: I wanna break up with Jan.
- [Realizes his answer]
- Michael Scott: Wow! I wanna break up with Jan.
- Phyllis Lapin: [Everybody smiles] My mom taught me that.
- Karen Filippelli: Hey, did you guys see this memo that Dwight sent out? "Women will be sent home if they wear makeup or heels exceeding one-quarter inch. Females are not allowed to speak to strangers unless given written authorization by Dwight Schrute." This is ridiculous.
- Dwight Schrute: Attention. I am removing all bananas from the kitchen.
- Karen Filippelli: Dwight, this memo that you distributed is insulting.
- Dwight Schrute: Desperate times call for desperate measures.
- Michael Scott: Jan has this schoolgirl fantasy.
- Karen Filippelli: It's a pretty common one.
- Michael Scott: I just - I feel uncomfortable wearing the dress.
- Pam Beesly: Michael, you shouldn't do anything that you're uncomfortable with.
- Michael Scott: Jan says anything that doesn't scare us is not worth doing.
- [pause]
- Michael Scott: I don't know, maybe we're different people, I like cuddling and spooning and she likes videotaping us during sex.
- Pam Beesly: Oh my God.
- Michael Scott: Argh... and then watching it back right afterwards to improve my form.
- Karen Filippelli: That is not healthy behaviour.
- Michael Scott: No, it's not that bad. The worst part is that she shows it to her therapist and they discuss it.
- Pam Beesly: Michael, you need to get out of this.
- Michael Scott: No, she's just fooling around. It's a woman thing.
- Pam Beesly: No, normal women don't do stuff like that. This is bad.
- [There's a short pause and then Michael starts crying]