Backwoods

I saw this picture this morning and was not disappointed or surprised. It was exactly what you would think from a made for tv horror movie. Editing was poor, characters were meh, and overall experience was not worth the waste of home internet data usage.

This movie was absolutely terrifying. I'm sure it'll run through my mind when I drive through some of those back-woods places. The characters were grotesque and I don't think I'll *ever* watch this movie again, but it served its purpose. I don't know whether it was a cold room or getting the bejesus scared out of me, but i shivered quite a bit. Right off hand I'm gonna tell that this movie isn't anything you haven't seen before. It has a typical horror movie set up: a bunch of young people in the woods in the backcountry of some state who run into a bunch of psychos who want to hunt them down and butcher them. If you're thinking " wow, that sounds a lot like the Texas Chain Saw Massacre", well, you'd be thinking right. There's even a gas station scene with a weird creepy hick. But I'm not trying to convey the message that is a Chain saw Massacre rip-off. Texas Chain Saw Massacre was awesome, so I see no problem in people wanting to make more movies like it. But anyways, Backwoods offers nothing new to genre, it's just a plain good ole slice 'em and dice 'em popcorn horror flick. It's not trying to be exceptional, it's just trying be a horror film with enough blood, gore and thrills to suffice any horror fan for the 84 duration time, and in that context, it succeeds.

Okay, the storyline isn't original. We have seen this a hundred times, remember, The Hills and Wrong Turn but what makes this movie worth a look is the fact that it is never boring. From the first moment there is suspense until the end. The other fact is that it isn't that bloody or gory after all. But when the punishment or suffering starts it's pretty well done, the editing and the score makes it all watchable. For the creeps out there, no there is no nudity in this flick not even underwear, what proofs that it's not that necessary as been done in those good old slashers. If you can catch a copy of this one, go watch it you will never be disappointed. If you're into thrillers you could watch it and if you are into horror you could watch it too.

Released to TV in 2008, "Backwoods" stars Haylie Duff and Ryan Merriman as employees of a video game company in Los Angeles partaking in paint ball games on a company retreat. They're mistaken for Federal agents by a Waco-like religious cult who apprehend young women to impregnate. Havoc ensues. Craig Zimmerman plays the company leader and Deborah Van Valkenburgh the matriarch of the cult. Mimi Michaels and Willow Geer are on hand as female eye candy. There are many others; too numerous to cite.

The movie plays like a mishmash of "Wrong Turn" (2003), "Hostel" (2005) and similar movies, but is limited by its TV budget and constraints. Amazingly, production-wise it's on par with "Wrong Turn" (which wasn't anything great to begin with, but it was at least passably good) and, as a result, has better women, locations and music, but a weaker script and blasé filmmaking. To be more specific about the positives: The opening & closing metalized song is excellent; the cast is good, highlighted by Willow's curvy beauty and Duff's striking features; and, like I said, the wilderness locations are great.

Unfortunately, the movie often plays in a routine and not-thought-out way. For instance, would the cult advertise the entrance to their secret underground compound with can't-miss-them concrete entrances and air vents? Wouldn't they more likely make these features blend-in with the environment? Would a guy impaled by several wooden spikes be able to shoot a rifle at the hip as accurately as shown? Also, the ending leaves one element up in the air and reflects an all-around absence of imagination. Still, if you like the redneck slasher genre there are enough positives here to make it worth checking out. Just bear in mind that when the most imperative question about a movie is "Who's the hot redhead at the beginning?" it's not a good sign.

The movie runs 85 minutes and it looks like it was shot in wilderness areas in greater Los Angeles (but I can't confirm it).

GRADE: C

A couple camping in the woods is attacked by mountainmen. The girl is abducted to be a breeder. Later, Johnny Dash organizes a paint ball corporate retreat for his workers at a video game company. The store clerk directs the group to the same area in the woods where the couple was taken. Soon, their paint ball game turns deadly and the group is imprisoned in the underground bunker where the locals manufacture drugs.

This is a standard low-grade horror. There is blood but not much gore. There is violence but not well done. The actors are mostly B-level as indicated by the presence of Haylie Duff. It's a functional cheap horror that has nothing new or special. It works but only barely. It is all relatively amateurish except for a few solid old-fashion burning and falling stunts.