The Orphan Killer

Matt Farnsworth is a hack. I haven't got a clue who finances his movies but my guess he has entered into a Faustian pact with Satan. Nobody in their right mind would give this guy money to make a film. If you think I'm being harsh then go check out "The Orphan Killer" then come back and tell me I'm wrong. It is incompetently written with a poorly defined story and no characterisation so ultimately we don't care about anything or anyone we see on the screen. Most of the ideas have been cribbed from far superior genre movies and the camera work is shambolic. We've all seen "Shaky-cam" is the "Bourne" movies, Farnsworth appears to have invented "unintentional shaky-cam" for the "Orphan Killer." It looks like it was filmed by someone on a home video-cam after they'd drunk 50 cups of espresso.

I wouldn't have bothered commenting only there is nothing worse than a film maker who goes out of their way to pull the wool over their potential audience's eyes. This is what Farnsworth has done here. This IMDb page is littered with fake reviews and fake comments appertaining to what a great movie this is and most of them have been written by Farnsworth and his cronies. If you listen to this con-man then "The Orphan Killer" is the next "Halloween" or "Friday The Thirteenth" when in truth it's the next DVD straight to the bargain-bin @ $1.99 in Walmart.

A man in a hockey mask, much like Jason from Friday the 13th, swings an axe over a scantily clad, screaming woman; and this happens before the opening credits. A man in a convertible drops off a hot blonde in front of St. Michaels Catholic School. Dressed in a mini skirt and revealing tank top, blondie forays into the adjoining church, kneels at a pew and crosses herself, bless her heart.

Next up, teeny boppers are smoking in the girls room, discussing the legend of the orphan killer. Shortly thereafter, a man in an alley is the first victim. The madman drives a large machete into his forehead. The swordsman then, for no apparent reason, places a photograph of Pope Benedict into a fire.

Back to the good catholic lass. She visits the locker room and has the good sense to remove her clothes and take a shower; cleanliness is next to Godliness, after all; and her headlights are on.

The masked mad man continues his murderous ways, using a wire to strangle a young en' at the school. A flashback to nuns beating a young boy provides clues to the reason for his violent personality.

The church is then the setting for a man receiving oral sex from a sister, and a priest is mutilated; the writer seems to have some serious issues with the ancient Roman religion.

Now to the basement, where Jason, jr. ties the hot blonde, Audrey, to the ceiling with her arms up and thus begins the real fun; sick, sick, sick, and sacrilegious at the same time. Much like the "Saw" series, don't look for any redeeming value in the orphan Killer, it's just another torture film.

A pair of young children, a boy and girl, survive a home invasion that claims their parents lives. They are sent to the standard "evil" Catholic orphanage, and the girl is adopted while the boy stays behind. As with all Hollywood movies, the orphanage is home to a lot of abuse in the name of God, and the young boy acts out violently to others around him. He also enjoys wearing masks, but hey, who doesn't? Years later, the young girl has grown into a woman who teaches dance at the local Catholic school. Im not sure how many practicing Catholics go to mass in a black micro mini and fishnet stockings - sans underwear. But hey shes pretty hot. Long story short, killer brother comes back to Church and starts offing people left and right, tracking down his sister. Lots of blood later, with the help of her police boyfriend, she has her final showdown with her long lost brother.

This isn't a badly made film, in fact, it actually is a lot better then most of the low budget slashers out there. The acting is above average and the gore special effects are also well done. One of the problems is the music, with consists of loud heavy metal blaring during the action scenes. The other problem is the story plot points. Characters who do dumb things at dumb times, etc. Lots of horror movies do this, so it can be overlooked for the sake of the movie.

The movie as a whole is watchable and even enjoyable for a bit. It is not however, anything you will remember as soon as the credits roll.

This "movie" which consists of just random scenes, almost no dialogue and horrible acting and horrible effects is a huge waste of time. Do not bother with this piece of trash, it is unbelievable that someone could think this would be worth watching. I have no idea what the director and the actors thought they were creating when they filmed this trash. HUGE WASTE OF TIME! WARNING YOU WILL REGRET WATCHING THIS PIECE OF CR%P! Wow just when you thought you had seen the worst movie in the world, you stumble upon trash like this. I am truly upset I wasted a few moments trying to watch this when I could have spent time doing something more fun like shoveling dog doo doo out of the yard or rolling naked in broken glass.

The first thing that hit me with The Orphan Killer was the arrogance behind it. This is a Matt Farnsworth movie from his production company which is basically his name, it also stars him and the cover art for the IMDB page has his signature on it. Really?

It tells the story of a psychotic young man who grows up into a psychotic older man who *Shock horror* goes on a killing spree, aiming specifically for his sister.

Our killer wears ordinary street clothes but has a mask that would be right at home on a Slipknot set, it looks rather a weird contrast.

The film looks solid enough, money clearly went into it and it shows. In no way is the movie bad, it's just so incredibly unoriginal.

We've seen this before, near enough literally. It's just yet another slasher flick with no real character or identity, methinks Mr Farnsworth needs to come down off his high horse.

The Good:

Fairly decent looking killer

Okay soundtrack

Looks better than you'd expect

The Bad:

Certain pretentiousness about the whole thing

Devoid of originality

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

When bad things happen to you it's because God is out back having a cigarette