Ted Levine credited as playing...
Stottlemeyer
- [last lines]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Hey, how 'bout stamp collecting? That's a nice hobby. You get a little book, you put all the stamps in there, you line them all up.
- Adrian Monk: I could arrange them by color, I suppose.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yes, you could. You could arrange them any way you'd like. It's a hobby, after all.
- Adrian Monk: Are they all the same size?
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: If that's important to you, yes...
- Lt. Randall Disher: [gets caught up in a spider's web, and mistakes it for a booby trap] BOOBY TRAP!
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Randy! RANDY! It's not a booby trap! It's a spider's web.
- Bennie Wentworth: [walks over] What's going on? Did you break this bike?
- [points to a broken bike lying on the ground]
- Lt. Randall Disher: Sorry.
- Bennie Wentworth: You break it, you bought it. That's the rule.
- Natalie Teeger: It's a junkyard. How do you know if something's broken?
- Bennie Wentworth: I know. I can tell. Look.
- [He picks up the bicycle, and points to a twisted up wheel]
- Bennie Wentworth: This wheel is all bent! 40 bucks!
- Lt. Randall Disher: 40 bucks. No way.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [to Bennie] Mr. Wentworth, this is Adrian Monk and Natalie Teeger. They're helping us out. I was wondering, could you go over the whole thing again, please?
- Bennie Wentworth: Go over what? The guy was on my property, he tried to rip me off. He got what was coming to him, end of story.
- [back to Randy]
- Bennie Wentworth: I tell you what. Give me $20 bucks, we'll forget about the whole thing.
- [regarding the broken bike]
- Lt. Randall Disher: I'm not paying for it!
- Adrian Monk: What was he doing here? Mr. Wentworth, what do you think he was after?
- Bennie Wentworth: I don't know. Maybe he needed a carburetor. People need carburetors.
- Adrian Monk: [referring to the dead man] He was wearing a $2,000 suit. And those are Italian shoes. I think he could afford a carburetor.
- Bennie Wentworth: Maybe he stole the suit. That's possible, isn't it? Maybe he stole the shoes! Maybe he's on a spree.
- Adrian Monk: The suit, the shoes, the carburetor. What kind of spree is that?
- Bennie Wentworth: I don't know. An eclectic spree.
- Natalie Teeger: Do you have any enemies?
- Bennie Wentworth: None that I can think of, except for this guy the bicycle thief!
- [points at Randy]
- Bennie Wentworth: 20 bucks.
- [Bennie makes another attempt at bargaining with Randy about the broken bike's price]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Randy, give him five bucks.
- Lt. Randall Disher: Fine.
- [He takes five bucks out of his own wallet and pays Bennie]
- Adrian Monk: I wonder what happened to his partner.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: What partner?
- Adrian Monk: Well it's a dirt road out there. Very little dust on his shoes. Somebody must have dropped him off. Maybe they took off when they heard the gunshot.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [to Randy] Secure the road. Tell the crime scene techs to check for tire tracks.
- [Randy starts to walk away, and Stottlemeyer stops him]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Randy! Your bike.
- [Randy reluctantly walks back and picks up the broken bike. He carries it away with him]
- Adrian Monk: What was I thinking? I'm no artist.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: You're no artist? Adrian Monk, you're a grand master! You're Leonardo Da Vinci, you're Pablo Picasso.
- Adrian Monk: Just not with a paintbrush.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [chuckles] Just not with a paintbrush, that's for damn sure.