Steve Schirripa: Roberto

Open Season 2

Roberto

Elliot: It's me! Elliot.
Fifi: Who is Elliot?
Elliot: I am. And I'm here to rescue my lady, kick butt and take names? What's your name?
[gets captured and is tied up]
Elliot: Wow. Did anybody see that coming?
All: Yes.
Roberto: Even Roger saw that coming.
Roger: I did?

Roberto: Come on, Fifi. I think a bald spot makes you look more sophisticated. Singe is the new pompadour.

Roberto: How long do you think it'll be till we stop? 'Cause I gotta poop. Seriously, I gotta poop really bad.
Fifi: I said that it was going to be a long ride, but you never listen. Just like when I told you not to eat that leftover burrito grande.

Boog: Roberto, my main man. I appreciate the help out there.
Roberto: Sure thing. And if you're ever in the city, come on by, We'll split a pizza pie. My treat.
Elliot: From this day forward, domestics and wilds will live together as one.

Elliot: If this is the end, I need to say something. Giselle, I really, really, really...
Roger: Really?
Fifi: Time's up!
Charlene: Now you hold your little old horses, Fifi. I do believe this boy's got something on his mind.
Rufus: Yeah, give the guy a sporting chance.
Giselle: Oh, just forget it, Elliot. You've already made it clear how you feel.
Fifi: I feel this has gone long enough.
Elliot: Please let me finish!
Fifi: Fine. You've got 60 seconds.
Elliot: Are you serious? How about a minute?
Roberto: Hey, you better hurry up.
Elliot: Okay, okay. Giselle, before the wedding, my rack was huge.
Giselle: What?
Buddy: It's true.
Elliot: Very huge. And it broke very bad. And without my huge rack, I felt like less of a buck. But as time went on...
Fifi: Thirty seconds!
Elliot: The point is, I'm a better buck with not a huge rack on my head... but with you, Giselle, on my head instead.
McSquizzy: Oh, that's awful.
Giselle: And how does this relate to our wedding and the fact that you left me stranded at the altar?
Charlene: Left you at the altar?
Rufus: You, sir, are a coward.

Roberto: [Fifi prepares to electrify Elliot, Giselle, McSquizzy and Buddy] Fifi, come on. Is this really necessary?
Fifi: You see why we have to do this, right? They will take everything. Our food, our homes, our very lives!

Elliot: [to Fifi] No, no. You are missing the point.
Fifi: Oh, come on!
Elliot: [to Giselle] During our wedding, there was the incident with the other woman.
Rufus: Another woman?
[the others gasps]
Roberto: I can't even handle one.
Rico: Speak for yourself, amigo.
Elliot: No. No. Not that kind of other woman. The kind that grabbed Mr. Weenie.
Charlene: You're disgusting. You make me sick.
Rufus: That is a pig.
Stanley: [to Roger] This is getting good.