Peter Jones credited as playing...
The Book
- The Book: The argument runs something like this. "I refuse to prove that I exist", says God, "for proof denies faith and without faith I am nothing." "But", says Man, "the Babel Fish is a dead giveaway isn't it? It proves you exist, and so therefore you don't. QED." "Oh dear", says God, "I hadn't thought of that", and promptly vanishes in a puff of logic. "Oh, that was easy", says Man, and for an encore he goes on to prove that black is white and gets killed on the next zebra crossing. Most leading thelogians claim that this argument is a load of dingo's kidneys. But this didn't stop Oolon Colluphid making a small fortune when he used it as the central theme for his best selling book, "Well That About Wraps It Up For God." Meanwhile the poor Babel Fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communications between different cultures and races, has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the history of creation.
- [first lines]
- The Book: This is the story of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, perhaps the most remarkable, certainly the most successful book ever to come out of the great publishing corporations of Ursa Minor. More popular than the Celestial Home Care Omnibus, better selling than 53 More Things to Do in Zero Gravity, and more controversial than Oolon Colluphid's trilogy of philosophical blockbusters: Where God Went Wrong, Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes, and Who Is This God Person, Anyway?
- [about the Vogon Constructor ships]
- The Book: They hung in the air exactly the same way that bricks don't.
- The Book: The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster, the effect of which is like having your brain smashed out with a slice of lemon... wrapped round a large gold brick.
- The Book: "Space," it says, "is big. REALLY big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the street to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space. Listen..." and so on.
- The Book: Vogon Constructor Fleets... here is what to do if you want to get a lift from a Vogon. Forget it. They are one of the worst races in the Galaxy; not actually evil, but bad-tempered, bureaucratic, officious and callous. They wouldn't even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal without orders signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters. The best way to get a drink out of a Vogon is stick your finger down his throat, and the best way to irritate him is to feed his grandmother to the Ravemnous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.
- The Book: The Guide also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic gargle Blaster, the effect of which is like having your brain smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick. The Guide also mentions on which planets the best Gargle Blasters are mixed, how much you can expect to pay for one and what voluntary organizations exist to help you rehabilitate.
- The Book: This is the story of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Perhaps the most remarkable, certainly the most successful book ever to come out of the great publishing corporations of Ursa Minor. More popular than the Celestial Homecare Omnibus, better selling than 53 More Things to do in Zero Gravity, and more controversial than Oolong Colluphid's trilogy of philosophical blockbusters "Where God Went Wrong" "Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes" and "Who is This God Person, Anyway?". And in many of the more relaxed civilizations on the outer eastern rim of the galaxy the Hitchhiker's Guide has already supplanted the great Encyclopedia Galactica as the standard repository of all knowledge and wisdom. For though it has many omissions, contains much that is hypocrofal or at least uwarrently inaccurate it scores over the older, more pedestrian work in two important respects. First is slightly cheaper and secondly it has the words "Don't Panic" inscribed in large, friendly letters on the cover. To tell the story of the book it is best to tell the story of some of those whose lives it affected. A Human from the planet Earth was one of them. Though, as our story opens he no more knows his destiny than a tea leaf knows the history of the East India Company. His name is Arthur Dent. He is a six-foot tall ape descendant and someone is trying to drive a bypass through his home.