Mutants

I watched part of this movie a long time ago. It's such a forgettable movie that I have to go and read the reviews every time because I keep forgetting which stupid movie this is, and whether or not I've ever seen it. So let that be a lesson to you: Don't waste your time watching because you won't remember later what it's about, it's that bad.

As for Van Damme being a better actor to play the role played by Michael Ironside, I have to agree with drnrg31. A few possibilities: (a) Van Damme read the script and rejected it because it was too lame even for him. (b) Van Damme gave the role to Ironside because the latter needed the money more. (c) Van Damme was busy and so the movie people twisted the arm of Michael Ironside to do it as a favor. (d) Ironside left his brain at home the day people asked him to do the role.

In fact I was out to find the French movie "Mutants" but ran into this stinker on Blu Ray for a few euro's, new I mean. Cover looked okay, indeed a mutant reflecting in the glasses of a gas mask. Two names on it, Steven Bauer and Michael Ironside. Two famous names. First research, it's also called "Zombie Mutants" in Germany. Again, so far so good. But naturally, names and a DVD or Blu Ray sleeve doesn't make a good feature. And this is a perfect example. First of all, once the flick was over I thought, hell, where were those zombies? Secondly I thought, Jesus, I forgot to get scared. You can see it coming, bad as hell. Sadly not bad that it became good. It's watchable as a TV movie but to categorize it under horror, no way. The effects used are laughable. You can easily see that the infection on the skin is just add on the flesh. The mutants once they attack are just targets to be shot. Just look at it, once they are clearing the laboratory and the sugar plantation were all the experiments are being done you are just watching a game, shoot every mutant popping up. It's really boring because there's no suspense by doing that. Otherwise, some actors get shot but after 5 minutes they are walking around without any pain or limitations. And the shot wounds just look like a scratch. The best part was when Ironside is confronted with one of his friends trying to get him killed. But I must say, he's in real life getting old. I have met him twice at conventions and you could easily see him ageing. But the worst thing was when they showed one of the mutants transforming in a creature was done by CGI and one of the cheap ones. One explosion was also CGI, the flames were CGI, and it came up to me to state CGwhy? It wouldn't even fit into exploitation. No this was just a waste of time, I did it, no you don't do it. Go watch the French Mutant.

The title Mutants was a questionable one to begin with, but as I do like zombie movies when they're good I went ahead anyway. Now I wish I hadn't. For one thing, I was actually waiting all the time for a zombie to show up and to no avail, very like having Fred Flintstone but without the Yabba-Dabba-Doo. If these creatures in Mutants were trying to pass off as zombies they failed abysmally on that front, while not as badly designed as the zombies in a film like Vampegeddon they still look really laughable. And they don't have any menace or intrigue to them whatsoever. And I am angry also at how Mutants wasted its cast. Michael Ironside and Steven Bauer are good actors but, aside from Ironside having the best moment, are saddled with material so poor that they can't do anything with it. Louis Herthum looks as though he's got tears in his eyes, and who can blame him really. The characters they have to play are not only stereotypical, but also get on your nerves and you learn nothing about them, while the dialogue is nothing but cheese and awkwardness. The story has no suspense or any sense of horror, it is very thin and predictable in construction and in the end it feels like there is nothing to it. Mutants even is poorly made, the photography and editing were so choppy and the creature effects as mentioned were laughable. All in all, an awful movie that you actually question the point of it all. 1/10 Bethany Cox

Rating Breakdown: Story - 1.00 :: Direction - 0.75 :: Pacing - 0.50 :: Performances - 0.75 :: Entertainment - 0.75 TOTAL - 3.75/10

You know that feeling when you order a burger, expecting a juicy, mouth-watering masterpiece, only to find a lukewarm, sad-looking slab of grey meat? That, my friends, is precisely what watching Mutants feels like. It takes a deliciously devious concept, corporate greed meets chemical catastrophe, and turns it into something as thrilling as watching paint dry.

The premise sounds delightful: a food manufacturer, desperate for profit, commissions a scientist to create an addictive additive. The unintended side effect? Overindulgence turns consumers into flesh-ripping, brain-melting mutants. Or at least, that's what should have happened. Instead, we get a sluggish trudge through mediocrity, occasionally stumbling into something vaguely resembling horror.

Budget constraints, you say? That still does not explain why the mutants shuffle about like zombies who have just heard their apocalypse shift was extended indefinitely. Expecting Aliens meets 28 Days Later? Think again. I have seen scarier things lurking in my fridge.

And, the directorial pace is slower than the mutants. A five-year-old with a VHS camcorder might have crafted something with more energy. Tension is a distant dream, and at times, I wondered if the film was a secret cure for insomnia. Even Michael Ironside, that beacon of grizzled authority, is wasted in a glorified cameo. The same goes for Steven Bauer, briefly reminding us that talent is present but entirely squandered.

What truly stings is the wasted potential. This could have been an energetic, tongue-in-cheek gore fest in the vein of Tremors or Re-Animator. Instead, it feels like an endurance test, where the only reward is the relief of the credits rolling.

Should you watch it? Only if you enjoy mild resentment as you imagine all the better films that could have been. If you seek mutant mayhem done right, revisit The Thing or The Stuff. But if you want actual entertainment, avoid Mutants like an expired gas station sandwich. It is unappetising, unfulfilling, and best left undiscovered.

The greedy Braylon (Richard Zeringue) owns the Just Rite Sugar Company and has hired the unethical scientist Sergei (Armando Leduc) to conduct an experiment to make an addictive sugar stronger than heroin or nicotine to increase his sales. Sergei uses invisible people as test subjects, like beggars, addicted junkies and illegals, in the clandestine Shadow Rock Mill. When Braylon's men mistakenly kidnap Ryan (Derrick Denicola), who is the brother of his secretary Erin (Sharon Landry) and son of his security chief Griff (Louis Herthum), and Hannah (Jessica Heap), the youngster becomes an important non-contaminated subject. However, Erin receives some mysterious e-mails from the unknown Cinderella with a picture of Ryan and a hint that he might be in Shadow Rock and together with her father, they decide to seek out Ryan.

"Mutants" is an awfully imbecile and lame movie. The plot is ridiculous and the acting is terrible. The IMDb Rating of 2.9 tells everything and I have nothing else to say about this crap. My vote is two.

Title (Brazil): "Mutantes – Medo e Verdade" ("Mutants – Fear and Truth")