Tom Brooke credited as playing...
Thick Kevin
- Angus: The way I look at it, the world couldn't survive without my comedy, and who's going to have the moral backbone to play the Seekers when the mood is right?
- Dave: They've split up.
- Angus: I intend to celebrate the back catalogue.
- Dave: I intend to stop you doing so.
- Mark: [silently stands up and lights a cigarette]
- Simon: As some of you know, my wife left me after 17 hours of marriage, but I survived that because I live for music. And now, with nothing else to live for, I'm willing to die for it as well.
- 'On-The-Hour' John: I've always lived for news and weather. Happy to die for them, too. Especially the weather.
- Bob Silver 'the Dawn Treader': I've got nowhere else to go.
- Harold: I have somewhere else to go, but it's Peckham. So I think I'll stick around.
- Felicity: Can't let everyone starve. And I'm slightly worried where my increasingly powerful sexuality will take me when I return to normal life.
- Thick Kevin: I've got a very strong suspicion that Felicity fancies me. Not about to go anywhere, just when I'm in with a chance.
- 'Young' Carl: Obviously, I'm in. You're the only people in the world who like me.
- Thick Kevin: It's type of bird, but it's wearing a hat. Not so much a hat. Something that's at the top of a coat and attached to the coat and covers the head, but is not a hat.
- 'Young' Carl: A hood?
- Thick Kevin: Yes, and now the first name, type of bird. It's a something hood.
- 'Young' Carl: Robin Hood! Why didn't you just say he lived in Sherwood Forest and has a bow and an arrow?
- Thick Kevin: Yeah? What? Who are you talking about?
- 'Young' Carl: Robin Hood.
- Thick Kevin: I didn't know that.
- Quentin: Gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you prefer?
- Thick Kevin: Good news.
- Quentin: Okay. The good news is the engine has exploded and we're all going to die.
- Dave: Hello, Dr Dave, Radio Rock. How is that good news?
- Quentin: I haven't yet told you how we're going to die. That's the bad news.
- Simon: How are we gonna die?
- Quentin: We're going to drown in the freezing waters of the North Sea.
- Felicity: Dearie me.
- Quentin: There is a huge hole in the side of the boat and in an unfortunate development, it transpires that the lifeboats are useless.
- Thick Kevin: [to Angus] Actually, that's quite good for you, isn't it? 'Cause you can't swim, so you'll die quicker.
- Quentin: Sorry.
- Thick Kevin: My theory is that you're here because it's exactly the right time for a young man like you to get to know his dad.
- 'Young' Carl: And?
- Thick Kevin: I therefore think that your dad is on this boat. And since he's definitely not me, I think he's probably Quentin.