Simon Helberg credited as playing...
Howard Wolowitz
- Sheldon Cooper: Gentlemen, I have a question about dating and relationships.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: [to Howard] You told me you were going to have the talk with him.
- Howard Wolowitz: I've been waiting for someone to have the talk with me.
- Penny: Leonard, congratulations.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What for?
- Penny: Your Facebook status update. Leonard Hofstadter is in a relationship.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What? No... No, that's not right.
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh, man, did you switch your status before she did? Speaking as an expert: way to look needy.
- Penny: Seriously? You went first, after only two weeks? That's bold.
- Leonard Hofstadter: It's not bold, it's a mistake. I didn't change my status.
- Penny: Well, then who did?
- [Everybody looks at Sheldon]
- Sheldon Cooper: I had no choice; he cried in front of her.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You hacked my Facebook account?
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, it's hardly hacking when you use the same password for everything, "Kal-El".
- Sheldon Cooper: How do we circumvent his inevitable rejection?
- Rajesh Koothrappali: Well, if you want to guarantee his appeal to Stephanie, your best bet would be to kill all the other men on the planet.
- Howard Wolowitz: I'll tell you what you shouldn't do. Don't spritz him with that body spray from the commercial where the women undress when they smell it. That doesn't work at all. No matter how much you put on.
- Howard Wolowitz: Look at Leonard's record: 27 days with Joyce Kim.
- Raj Koothrappali: During which, she defected to North Korea.
- Howard Wolowitz: Two booty calls with Leslie Winkle.
- Raj Koothrappali: For which she awarded him the nickname, "Speed of Light Leonard".
- Howard Wolowitz: And a 3-hour dinner with Penny.
- Raj Koothrappali: Which would have been 2 and a half if they ordered the soufflé when they sat down.
- Howard Wolowitz: Based on the geometric progression, his relationship with Stephanie should have ended after 20 minutes.
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes, I'm aware of the math, Y = 27 days over 12 to the Nth.