Johnny Galecki credited as playing...
Leonard Hofstadter
- Penny: [about the website Leonard designed for Penny's business] It seems a little juvenile. It looks like the MySpace page of a thirteen year-old girl.
- Leonard Hofstadter: No it doesn't!
- Howard Wolowitz: Dateline could use it to attract predators.
- [Leonard, Howard, and Raj are playing "Secret Agent LASER Obstacle Chess"]
- Howard Wolowitz: Hey! You know what would be a great idea? We get some girls over here and play LASER obstacle strip chess.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Believe me, Howard, any girl who would be willing to play that you don't want to see naked.
- Howard Wolowitz: You underestimate me.
- Howard Wolowitz: Leonard died again, Sheldon. You're up.
- Sheldon Cooper: Despite my deep love of chess, lasers, and aerosol disinfectant, I must forfeit.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Why?
- Sheldon Cooper: Because it's almost 11:00.
- Leonard Hofstadter: So?
- Sheldon Cooper: So Penny has a "don't knock on my door before 11:00 or I punch you in the throat" rule.
- Sheldon Cooper: Before we set up a marketing and distribution infrastructure, we should finish optimizing the manufacturing process. To start with, she has a terrible problem with moisture-induced glitter clump.
- Penny: Yeah, it's a bitch!
- Howard Wolowitz: [Inspecting bottle of glitter] Ah, I've seen this before.
- Penny: Where?
- Howard Wolowitz: It's a common stripper problem: they dance, they sweat, they clump.
- Penny: Eww.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Are you thinking of adding a desiccant like calcium sulfate?
- Howard Wolowitz: Actually, I'm thinking about this one stripper named Vega.
- Leonard Hofstadter: All right, what's wrong with it?
- Sheldon Cooper: What's wrong with it?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Not from you!
- Sheldon Cooper: Look at Planck's Constant. People say it's arbitrary. It could not be less arbitrary. If it varied even slightly, life as we know it would not exist. Bam! Now, now, let's reconsider the entire argument, but with entropy reversed and effect preceding cause, so you are thinking of a universe that's not expanding from the centre, no, it is retreating from a, from a possibility space. Bam! This is a space where we are all essentially Alice through the looking glass, standing in front the Red Queen, and we're being offered a cracker to quench our thirst. Bam! Of course, in another universe, let's call it universe prime, there's another Sheldon, let's call him Sheldon prime...
- Penny: We should have let him go to bed.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Bam.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: You know if I wanted to spend my Saturday nights doing this, I could have stayed in India.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, stop with the fake Third World crap. Your father is a gynecologist, and you had a house full of servants.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: He only had four servants, and two of them were children.