Simon Helberg credited as playing...
Howard Wolowitz
- Howard Wolowitz: Renaissance fairs aren't about historical accuracy. They're about taking chubby girls who work at Kinkos and lacing them up in corsets so tight their bosom jumps out and says "howdy".
- Sheldon Cooper: Bosoms would not have said "howdy" in the Fifteenth Century. If anything, they would have said "Huzzah!"
- Howard Wolowitz: I don't care what the bosoms say, Sheldon. I just want to be part of the conversation.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I like Leslie, but she's not interested in dating as much as using men as tools for stress release.
- Howard Wolowitz: Yeah, so? Be a tool. Go get yourself a little rebound "stress release".
- Rajesh Koothrappali: I think she's smoking hot.
- Howard Wolowitz: I'd hit that!
- Sheldon Cooper: You'd hit particulate soil on a colloidal suspension.
- [Wolowitz looks at him for clarification]
- Sheldon Cooper: Mud.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm sorry, I am not going back to the renaissance fair.
- Howard Wolowitz: Come on, Sheldon, there are so few places I can wear my jester costume.
- Sheldon Cooper: I don't care. There are far too many historical anomalies for my comfort.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: Oh, okay, how about this. You can go dressed as a Star Trek science officer exploring a planet very similar to Earth in the fifteen hundreds.
- Sheldon Cooper: You mean like Spock?
- Rajesh Koothrappali: [shrugs] Sure.
- Sheldon Cooper: Fascinating.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm glad Penny's dating. Now I can really let loose.
- Howard Wolowitz: You were holding back?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Out of courtesy, yes.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: What about the ten years before Penny.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey, I've date plenty of women.
- Howard Wolowitz: Like who?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Well, there's Joyce Kim, Leslie Winkle...
- [pause]
- Sheldon Cooper: Notify the editors of the Oxford English Dictionary: the word "plenty" has been redefined to mean "two".
- Howard Wolowitz: What's so unusual about me having a date?
- Sheldon Cooper: Statistically speaking...
- Leonard Hofstadter: All right, all right. Nevertheless, I have one now and I'd appreciate it if you would, make yourself scarce.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm a published theoretical physicist with two doctorates and an IQ which can't be accurely measured by normal tests. How much scarcer could I be?
- Leonard Hofstadter: You know what I mean. Could you just give us a little privacy?
- Sheldon Cooper: You want me to leave the apartment?.. You mean, just go someplace else and be... someplace else?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yes.
- Sheldon Cooper: Why should I leave? This is my apartment, too.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I know, and if science ever discovers a second member of your species and you two would like some privacy, I'd be more than happy to get out of your way.
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, all right then.
- Howard Wolowitz: Penny with her new boyfriend. Tres awkward.
- Leonard Hofstadter: It's not awkward. It's not fun...
- Rajesh Koothrappali: What happens in costume at ComiCon stays at ComiCon!
- Howard Wolowitz: You're only saying that because of what happened to you.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What happened to you?
- Rajesh Koothrappali: Nothing happened to me.
- Howard Wolowitz: It's not your fault, Raj. He was dressed as a green Orion slave girl.