Jim Parsons credited as playing...
Sheldon Cooper
- Leonard: Come on, Howard, the odds of us picking up girls in a bar are practically zero.
- Howard Wolowitz: Really? Are you familiar with the Drake Equation?
- Sheldon: The one that estimates the odds of making contact with extraterrestrials by calculating the product of an increasingly restrictive series of fractional values such as those stars with planets, and those planets likely to develop life? N equals R times FP times NE times FL times FI times FC times L?
- Howard Wolowitz: Yeah, that one.
- Sheldon Cooper: Did you just shut the TV off in the middle of the classic Deep Space Nine-Star Trek: The Original Series-Trouble With Tribbles crossover episode?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Apparently so.
- Sheldon Cooper: Are you ill?
- Leonard Hofstadter: No.
- Sheldon Cooper: All right. Then is it fair to say that you're experiencing some sort of emotional turmoil over the events involving Penny earlier this evening?
- Leonard Hofstadter: When did you pick up on that!
- Sheldon Cooper: A moment ago when you turned off the TV in the middle of the classic Deep Space Nine-Star Trek: The Original Series-Trouble With Tribbles crossover episode.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I just wannna know why Penny is more interested in Stuart than me. We're practically the same guy!
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, I disagree. Stuart is taller, artistic, self employed and most significantly, he gets 45% off comic books.
- Penny: Oh, hey, could you pick me up a few comics for my nephew's birthday?
- Sheldon Cooper: No, I think you mean comic books. Comics are feeble attempts at humor featuring talking babies and anthropomorphized pets found traditionally in the optimistically named "funny pages".
- Penny: Leonard, pick me up comics for my nephew's birthday?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sure. What does he like?
- Penny: I don't know, just pick out anything.
- Sheldon Cooper: Just pick out anything? Maybe we can pick out a new suit for him without knowing his size? Or pick out his career without knowing his aptitude? Or pick out a new breakfast cereal without knowing his fiber requirements? Or his feelings about little marshmallows?
- Stuart: You can throw all the French around you want, it doesn't make you right.
- Sheldon Cooper: Au contraire.
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, I've spent the last three hours in an online debate in the DC Comics Batman chatroom, and I need your help.
- Stuart: Oh yeah. Those guys can be very stubborn. What's the topic?
- Sheldon Cooper: I am asserting, in the event that Batman's death proves permanent, that original Robin, Dick Grayson, is the logical successor to the Bat Cowl.
- Stuart: Ooh, Sheldon, I'm afraid you couldn't be more wrong.
- Sheldon Cooper: More wrong? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to gradation.
- Stuart: Of course it is. It's a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge. But returning to the original issue, Dick Grayson became Nightwing, a superhero in his own right. Batman 2 has to be the second Robin, Jason Todd.
- Sheldon Cooper: Has to be? Has to be? I hope you're being deliberately provocative
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, we agreed we'd do something different tonight.
- Sheldon Cooper: All right. Let's go to the comic book store.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: We went to the comic book store last night.
- Sheldon Cooper: Last night was Wednesday; Wednesday *is* comic book night. Tonight we'll be going on Thursday because it's anything-can-happen Thursday.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Way to think outside but pressed right up against the box, Sheldon.
- [Sheldon and Howard grab the same comic book]
- Howard Wolowitz: Let it go, Sheldon.
- Sheldon Cooper: Why should I let it go, I saw it first?
- Howard Wolowitz: Yes, but I saw it from the front.
- Sheldon Cooper: A far less impressive feat.
- Stuart: Look Sheldon, it's late, I've gotta get some sleep.
- Sheldon Cooper: So I win.
- Stuart: No, I'm tired.
- Sheldon Cooper: So I win.
- Stuart: Fine, you win.
- Sheldon Cooper: Darn tootin' I win.
- [first lines]
- [Sheldon moans]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Problem?
- Sheldon Cooper: This is Thai food.
- Howard Wolowitz: Here we go.
- Sheldon Cooper: We don't have Thai food on Thursday, we have pizza on Thursday.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yes, but we all agreed that the third Thursday of every month would be anything-can-happen Thursday.
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, apparently the news didn't reach my digestive system, which, when startled, has its own version of anything-can-happen Thursday.