Jim Parsons credited as playing...
Sheldon Cooper
- Sheldon Cooper: I believe it's my turn. You may begin your questions whenever you're ready.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: Are you Spock?
- Sheldon Cooper: I don't like this game.
- Howard Wolowitz: Are you from the Star Wars universe?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yes.
- Howard Wolowitz: Were you in the original trilogy?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yes.
- Howard Wolowitz: Is there a picture of you in my wallet wearing a metal bikini?
- Leonard Hofstadter: God, I hope not. And no, I'm not Princess Leia.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: OK, OK, my turn. Are you in all six Star Wars movies?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yes.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: Interesting. Are you a droid?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yes.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: Do you kind of look like a shiny Sheldon?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yes!
- Rajesh Koothrappali: C-3PO!
- Leonard Hofstadter: You got it!
- Sheldon Cooper: [talking and moving in a manner reminiscent of C-3PO] That's preposterous. I do not resemble C-3PO! Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered. I just don't see it.
- [last lines]
- [after Penny lets Sheldon stay over when he locks himself out of his apartment]
- Leonard Hofstadter: What were you doing at Penny's?
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, we had dinner, uh, played some games, and then I spent the night. Oh, you'll be happy to know that I now have a *much* better understanding of "friends with benefits."
- Penny: I just remembered where the emergency key is.
- Sheldon Cooper: Where?
- Penny: In your apartment.
- Sheldon Cooper: What's it doing in my apartment?
- Penny: I went in there a few weeks ago, and you guys weren't home and I forgot it there.
- Sheldon Cooper: You went in my...? Why would...? What are you saying?
- Penny: It's not a big deal. I was making coffee and I ran out of milk.
- Sheldon Cooper: You're the milk thief! Leonard said I was crazy, but I knew that carton felt lighter.
- Penny: [Sheldon has locked himself out of his apartment] I think the emergency key is around here somewhere.
- Sheldon Cooper: We have a bowl. Our keys go in a bowl. You should get a bowl.
- Penny: So, how did the beautiful mind of Sheldon Cooper forget his key in the first place?
- Sheldon Cooper: I left them in the bowl.
- Sheldon Cooper: While my compatriots are in Las Vegas, I will be enjoying a blissful evening in my personal Fortress of Solitude.
- Penny: That's Superman's big ice thingy, right?
- Sheldon Cooper: You know, I'm in such a good mood, I'm actually finding your tenuous grasp of the English language folksy and charming today.
- Sheldon Cooper: Is this conversation making you uncomfortable?
- Penny: Of course it's making me uncomfortable! Can't you tell?
- Sheldon Cooper: I really have no idea. I don't particularly excel at reading facial expressions, body langu...
- Penny: I'm uncomfortable, Sheldon!
- Sheldon Cooper: Thank you, that's very helpful.
- Sheldon Cooper: [Howard is crying after Leslie dumps him] I don't understand. If you were in a non-emotional relationship, then why are you having what appears to be an emotional response?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, he obviously had feelings for her.
- Howard Wolowitz: Of course I had feelings for her. I saw her naked, for God's sake.
- Sheldon Cooper: Are you suggesting I sleep on the couch?
- Penny: Well, it wasn't the first suggestion that came to mind, but it's the one I'm going with.
- Sheldon Cooper: I can't sleep on your couch. I sleep in a bed. And given its dimensions, I have no intention of living out E.M. Snickering's beloved children's book "The Tall Man from Cornwall".
- Penny: What?
- Sheldon Cooper: [in rhyming couplets] There was a tall man from Cornwall/Whose length exceeded his bed/My body fits on it/But barely upon it/There's no room for my big Cornish head.
- Sheldon Cooper: Penny, I realize you're also on your own tonight so if at some point you find yourself with nothing to do, please do not disturb me.
- Howard Wolowitz: [cell phone ringing] Leslie Winkle. Ahem. You've reached Friends with Benefits. For a booty call, press 1 now.
- Sheldon Cooper: What exactly does that expression mean, "friends with benefits"? Does he provide her with health insurance?
- Leonard Hofstadter: No. Look, imagine you maintained a friendship with someone you had sex with, but you were free to date whoever you wanted.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm sorry, I can't imagine any of that.
- Sheldon Cooper: You know, I'm given to understand that there is an entire city in Nevada designed specifically to help people like Howard forget their problems. They replace them with new problems, such as alcoholism, gambling addiction, and sexually-transmitted diseases.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: Is it me, or was that Sheldon's way of saying "Vegas, baby!"?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Are you coming?
- Sheldon Cooper: I'd rather have a blowfly lay eggs and hatch larvae in my auditory canal.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Great, we'll bring you back a T-shirt.
- [Penny and Sheldon are trying to make small talk while eating]
- Sheldon Cooper: How was your day?
- Penny: Well, they shifted my schedule around at the restaurant so my hours are gonna be a little different...
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm sorry, that's not going to interest me at all, just eat.
- Sheldon Cooper: A perfect culinary representation of the freedom this evening holds. Not only is it Indian cuisine, which Koothrappali loathes, it contains a generous helping of peanuts which would reduce Wolowitz to a wheezing 97-pound blister. And finally, its main ingredient is paneer - a farmer's cheese that would cause Leonard to render any room uninhabitable within minutes.
- Sheldon Cooper: What exactly does that expression mean, "friends with benefits"? Does he provide her with health insurance?