Jim Parsons credited as playing...
Sheldon Cooper
- Sheldon Cooper: Would you prefer to wait in our apartment?
- Penny: No, Sheldon, I'd rather sit on this freezing cold floor sobbing like a three-year-old.
- Sheldon Cooper: All right then.
- Penny: For God's sake!
- [Goes inside]
- Sheldon Cooper: Just when I think I've gotten the hang of sarcasm.
- Sheldon Cooper: [Leonard comes walking out of his bedroom and hears this conversation coming from inside Sheldon's bedroom] Please, Penny, enough. I have to sleep.
- Penny: Ok, well, you were great. Thanks.
- [Penny comes walking out of Sheldon's room quietly before spotting Leonard standing there]
- Penny: Oh. Hey, Leonard, don't go in Sheldon's room, he's not wearing bottoms.
- [she walks away]
- Leonard Hofstadter: [knocks on Sheldon's door] Sheldon, you want to catch me up again?
- Sheldon Cooper: Sheldor back on line.
- Penny: What's AFK?
- Sheldon Cooper: AFK. Away from keyboard.
- Penny: Oh, I see.
- Sheldon Cooper: What does that stand for?
- Penny: Oh, I see.
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes, but what does it stand for?
- Sheldon Cooper: Leonard, you have to do something about Penny. She's interfering with my sleep, she's interfering with my work, and if I had another significant aspect of my life, I'm sure she'd be interfering with that too.
- Sheldon Cooper: If you don't figure something out, I warn you I shall become very difficult to live with.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You mean up until now we've been experiencing the happy fun-time Sheldon?
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'll go talk to her.
- [first lines]
- Sheldon Cooper: Fellow warriors, this is Sheldor the Conqueror. We are about to enter Atzel's Fortress; now, this is a long run so let's do another bladder check. All right, Barry, we'll wait for you again, but you really should see a doctor.
- [hears banging outside]
- Sheldon Cooper: Sheldor is AFK.
- [goes into hall]
- Sheldon Cooper: Penny, are you experiencing some sort of difficulty?
- Penny: Yes, I can't get my stupid door open.
- Sheldon Cooper: You appear to have put your car key in the door lock; are you aware of that?
- Penny: Yeah.
- Sheldon Cooper: All right, then.
- Penny: Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it!
- Sheldon Cooper: Would it be possible for you to do this a little more quietly?
- Penny: I can't get the damn key out.
- Sheldon Cooper: It's not surprising. That Baldwin lock on your door uses traditional edge-mounted cylinders, whereas the key for your Volkswagen uses a center cylinder system.
- Penny: Thank you, Sheldon!
- Sheldon Cooper: You're welcome. Point of inquiry: why did you put your car key in the door lock?
- Penny: Why? I'll tell you why. Because today I had an audition, it took me two hours to get there, I waited an hour for my turn, and before I could even start they told me I looked too Midwest for the part. Too Midwest? What the hell does that even mean?
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, the American Midwest was mostly settled by Scandinavian and Germanic peoples who, well they have a characteristic facial bone structure...
- Penny: I know what it means, Sheldon! God! You know, I have been in L.A. for almost two years now, and I haven't got a single acting job. I have accomplished nothing, haven't gotten a raise at work, haven't even had sex in six months, and just now when I was walking up those stairs a fly flew in my mouth and I ate it.
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, actually, insects are a dietary staple in many cultures, they're almost pure protein.
- Sheldon Cooper: Make yourself comfortable.
- [Penny starts to sit on Sheldon's "spot" on the sofa]
- Sheldon Cooper: Not there.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You want to catch me up?
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, let's see. Uh, she attempted to open her apartment with her car key because her face is overly Midwestern. Uh, she hasn't had sex in six months. And she ate a fly.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Uh-huh. Seriously? Six months?
- Penny: [Penny walks into Sheldon's room as he's sleeping] Sheldon?
- [walks towards his bed]
- Penny: Sheldon?
- Sheldon Cooper: [Sheldon abruptly sits up after a dream] Danger, danger!
- Penny: No danger, look it's just me, Penny. Listen, I got to level 25 and reached Purple lotus swamp, right?
- Sheldon Cooper: You're in my bedroom.
- Penny: Yes, Leonard gave me an emergency key.
- Sheldon Cooper: People can't be in my bedroom.
- Penny: Ok, well, can we go talk in the living room?
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm not wearing pajama bottoms.
- Penny: Why not?
- Sheldon Cooper: I spilled grape juice.
- Penny: Well, wear different pajamas.
- Sheldon Cooper: Can't wear different pajamas; these are my Monday pajamas.
- Leslie Winkle: Well don't turn it off, you might miss your call from the Nobel Committee letting you know you've been nominated as dumbass laureate of the year.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh yeah? Well... you wouldn't even be nominated!
- Penny: Oh, my God! A treasure chest. I'm rich!
- Sheldon Cooper: Level 3 and she thinks she's rich. What a noob.
- Sheldon Cooper: Perhaps you should call a locksmith and have him open the door for you.
- Penny: I did. He said he'll get here when he gets here.
- Sheldon Cooper: And you're frustrated because he phrased his reply in the form of a meaningless tautology?
- Penny: No. I'm frustrated because I'm a failure at everything and my breath smells like fly.
- Sheldon Cooper: I believe the condensation on your frozen foods weakened the structural integrity of the bag.
- Sheldon Cooper: I even changed my Facebook status to: "Sheldon Cooper wishes Penny would leave him alone." I don't know what else to do.
- Sheldon Cooper: On a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 being always initiated by him and 5 being always initiated by you. How do you prefer your sexual encounters to begin?
- Penny: That's on the registration?
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh yes, it's quite extensive. But if we complete it, you get a free expansion pack, 75 additional quests.
- Penny: Ooh, awesome. Okay, I totally like to initiate. I'm a big old 5.
- Sheldon Cooper: These are market research questions. I'm filling out the online registration for your game.
- [Sheldon is really setting up an online dating profile for Penny at Headoverheelz.com]
- Leonard Hofstadter: [watching fluid bounce on a stereo speaker] Hey, check it out. It's just cornstarch and water.
- Sheldon Cooper: They make up a non-Newtonian fluid which is liquid, but it's solid under the percussive action of the speaker.
- Howard Wolowitz: That's what makes it get all funky.
- Sheldon Cooper: If it is a crime to ensure that the university's resources are not being squandered chasing subatomic wild geese, then I plead guilty.
- Sheldon Cooper: Just tell me, is it too soon to join a quest to the black castle?
- Sheldon Cooper: You were invited on a quest to the black castle?
- Penny: Yeah yeah, by some guys in Budapest. I'm just not sure it's the right move for my character.
- Sheldon Cooper: Of course it's not. You're only at level 25. These Hungarians are just using you for dragon fodder.