Jim Parsons credited as playing...
Sheldon Cooper
- [Raj is acting arrogant as a result of being named one of People magazine's "30 Under 30 to Watch"]
- Sheldon Cooper: There's a tribe in Papua New Guinea where, when a hunter flaunts his success to the rest of the village, they kill him and drive away evil spirits with a drum made of his skin. Superstitious nonsense, of course - but one can see their point.
- Gablehauser: [all in Raj's office when Dr. Gablehauser walks in] Hello, boys.
- Raj Koothrappali: Dr. Gablehauser.
- Gablehauser: Dr. Koothrappali.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Dr. Gablehauser.
- Gablehauser: Dr. Hofstadter.
- Sheldon Cooper: Dr. Gablehauser.
- Gablehauser: Dr. Cooper.
- Howard Wolowitz: Dr. Gablehauser.
- Gablehauser: *Mr.* Wolowitz.
- Sheldon Cooper: Baby wipe?
- Penny: Why do you have those?
- Leonard Hofstadter, Howard Wolowitz: No, no! Don't! Don't!
- Sheldon Cooper: I'll tell you why. I had to sanitize my hands because the university replaced the paper towels in the rest rooms, with hot air blowers.
- Penny: Oh I thought the blowers were more sanitary.
- Leonard Hofstadter, Howard Wolowitz: Why? Please, don't!
- Sheldon Cooper: Hot air blowers are incubators and spewers of bacteria and pestilence. Frankly, it'd be more hygienic if they just had a plague-infested gibbon sneeze my hands dry.
- Sheldon Cooper: Look, I found my missing neutrino.
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh, good. Now we can take his picture off the milk carton.
- [Raj was named one of People magazine's "30 Under 30 to Watch"]
- Leonard Hofstadter: We're going to go apologize to Raj and invite him out to dinner.
- Sheldon Cooper: Apologize? For what?
- Leonard Hofstadter: He came over last night with some pretty good news, and we weren't very supportive.
- Sheldon Cooper: I sense you're trying to tell me something.
- Howard Wolowitz: You were a colossal asshat.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh! No! I beg to differ. Of the three of us, I was by far the most supportive.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Really. Do tell.
- Sheldon Cooper: How will Raj ever reach true greatness if his friends lower the bar for him? When I was eleven, my sister bought our father a "World's Greatest Dad" coffee mug; and, frankly, the man coasted until the day he died.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Okay, let's try it this way: what if this People magazine thing is the best Raj is ever going to achieve?
- Sheldon Cooper: I had not considered that. I often forget other people have limitations. It's so sad.
- Howard Wolowitz: He can feel sadness?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Not really; it's what you and I would call condescension.
- Leonard Hofstadter: If we do get a new friend he should be a guy you can trust. A guy who has your back.
- Howard Wolowitz: And he should have a lot of money and live in a cool place down by the beach where we could throw parties.
- Sheldon Cooper: He should share our love of technology.
- Howard Wolowitz: And he should know a lot of women.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Let's see: money, women, technology. Okay, we're agreed. Our new friend is going to be... Iron Man.
- Leonard Hofstadter: That may well be, but it wouldn't kill us to meet some new people.
- Sheldon Cooper: For the record, it could kill us to meet new people. They could be murderers, or the carriers of unusual pathogens... And I'm not insane, my mother had me tested.
- Penny: I can't believe you. Raj is celebrating a tremendous accomplishment and you're not even gonna be there to support him?
- Sheldon Cooper: A tremendous accomplishment would be if the planetary body he discovered were plummeting toward Earth and he exploded it with his mind.
- Howard Wolowitz: That would be cool. I'd go to that reception.
- Sheldon Cooper: What makes accidentally noticing a hunk of rock that's been traipsing around the solar system for billions of years more noteworthy than any other scientific accomplishment made by someone under 30?