Johnny Galecki: Leonard Hofstadter

The Cooper-Nowitzki Theorem

Leonard Hofstadter

Penny: I know this is none of my business, but I just... I have to ask - what's Sheldon's deal?
Leonard Hofstadter: What do you mean, "deal"?
Penny: You know, like, what's his deal? Is it girls...? Guys...? Sock puppets...?
Leonard Hofstadter: Honestly, we've been operating under the assumption that he has no deal.
Penny: Come on, everybody has a deal.
Howard Wolowitz: Not Sheldon. Over the years, we've formulated many theories about how he might reproduce. I'm an advocate of mitosis.
Penny: I'm sorry?
Howard Wolowitz: I believe one day Sheldon will eat an enormous amount of Thai food and split into two Sheldons.
Leonard Hofstadter: On the other hand, I think Sheldon might be the larval form of his species. Someday he'll spin a cocoon and emerge two months later with moth wings and an exoskeleton.
Penny: Okay, well, thanks for the nightmares.

Ramona Nowitzki: You're not going to Halo night.
Sheldon Cooper: Yes, I am. It's Wednesday. Wednesday's Halo night.
Ramona Nowitzki: Didn't a great man once say science demands nothing less than the fervent and unconditional dedication of our entire lives?
Sheldon Cooper: He did.
Ramona Nowitzki: And who was that great man?
Sheldon Cooper: Me. Sorry, Leonard.
Leonard Hofstadter: Seriously? You're not coming?
Sheldon Cooper: You heard her. How can I argue with me?

[Penny walks in on Sheldon having his nails done by Ramona]
Ramona Nowitzki: Dr. Cooper is working.
Sheldon Cooper: Yes, I'm close to a breakthrough. Oh, tickles!
Penny: [leaving the apartment] Holy crap on a cracker!
Leonard Hofstadter: [meeting Penny in hallway] Hey, Penny.
Penny: You probably don't want to go in there.
Leonard Hofstadter: Why? What are they doing?
Penny: The only way I could explain it would be in a therapist's office with dolls.

Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon lives in fear of the three-tined fork.
Sheldon Cooper: Three tines is not a fork. Three tines is a trident. Forks are for eating, tridents are for ruling the seven seas.

Sheldon Cooper: I'm invoking the Skynet clause of our friendship agreement.
Leonard Hofstadter: That only applies if you need me to help you destroy an artificial intelligence you created that's taking over the Earth.

Leonard Hofstadter: [addressing a class of graduate students] So, if any of you are considering in going into experimental physics, my door is always open. Once again, I'm sorry that the demonstration didn't quite work out. But, now we know what happens when you accidentally spill Peach Snapple into a helium-neon laser. The short answer is... don't. And now, to tell you about the theoretical physics department is Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
[students applaud]
Leonard Hofstadter: Dr. Cooper...
Sheldon Cooper: [In closet] Forget it.
Leonard Hofstadter: Excuse me.
[opening door to closet]
Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, we both agreed to do this.
Sheldon Cooper: It's a waste of time. I might as well explain the laws of thermodynamics to a bunch of labradoodles.
Leonard Hofstadter: If you don't do this, I won't take you to the comic book store.
Sheldon Cooper: [Coming out] Hello. Nice work with the laser, by the way.

Leonard Hofstadter: Hey, aren't you having breakfast?
Sheldon Cooper: Yes.
Leonard Hofstadter: Are you experimenting with nutritional suppositories again?
Sheldon Cooper: Not in these pants.
Leonard Hofstadter: So... how'd it go with Ramona last night?
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, great. She's smart, insightful and she has a very unique way of, you know, revering me.

Sheldon Cooper: Alright, I'm invoking our Body Snatchers clause.
Leonard Hofstadter: The Body Snatchers clause requires me to help you destroy someone we know has been replaced by an alien pod.

Penny: [Ramona has just arrived for her date with Sheldon] I need to see this.
Leonard Hofstadter: The viewing area is right over there.
[Howard and Raj are watching from the couch]