Johnny Galecki credited as playing...
Leonard Hofstadter
- Penny: [after Leonard gives her Sheldon's "kryptonite", which makes even her uneasy] Look, I said I wanted to hurt him, but... this?
- Leonard Hofstadter: It'll shorten the war by five years and save millions of lives.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [about the Next Top Model house] Are you insane? You're not going to party with them. You're not even going to get anywhere near that place.
- Howard Wolowitz: That's what they said to Neil Armstrong abut the moon.
- Sheldon Cooper: No one said anything of the kind to Neil Armstrong. The entire nation dedicated a decade of effort and treasure to put a man on the moon.
- Howard Wolowitz: Well, my fellow Americans, before this year is out, we will put a Wolowitz on one of America's top models.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: And a large number of people will believe it never happened.
- Sheldon Cooper: Excuse me, Penny, but we're...
- Leonard Hofstadter: No, don't tell her!
- Sheldon Cooper: ...playing Klingon Boggle.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Awww...
- Howard Wolowitz: What do you mean "aww," like she didn't know we were nerds?
- Penny: [taking the guys' orders at Cheesecake Factory] Okay, let me guess: Quesadilla with soy cheese for the lactose-intolerant Leonard...
- Leonard Hofstadter: Thank you.
- Penny: ...shrimp Caesar salad with no almonds for the highly-allergic, kosher-only-on-the-high-holidays Howard...
- [Howard nods]
- Penny: ... and for our suddenly-back-on-the-Hindu-wagon Raj: meat lovers' pizza; no meat.
- [Raj bows to her]
- Penny: Coming right up.
- [She starts to leave]
- Sheldon Cooper: Wait, excuse me!
- [Penny stops]
- Sheldon Cooper: You forgot my barbecue bacon cheeseburger; barbecue sauce, bacon and cheese on the side.
- Penny: Oh, I didn't tell you? You're banished from the Cheesecake Factory.
- Sheldon Cooper: Why?
- Penny: Well, you have three strikes. One, coming in; two, sitting down; and three, I don't like your attitude.
- Sheldon Cooper: You can't do that. Not only is it a violation of California State law, it flies directly in the face of Cheesecake Factory policy.
- Penny: Yeah, I know; there's a new policy: no shoes, no shirt, no Sheldon.
- Howard Wolowitz: [softly, to Raj] I bet we could sell that sign all over Pasadena.
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh, look, there's the future Mrs. Wolowitz. No, wait, that's the future Mrs. Wolowitz, with her head in the lap of - eh, what a coincidence - the future Mrs. Wolowitz.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, and they can all move in with you and your mother. The current Mrs. Wolowitz.
- Sheldon Cooper: You're sitting in my spot.
- Penny: Oh, gee... you gotta be kidding me.
- Sheldon Cooper: Leonard, she's in my spot.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, yeah. Uh... see, here's the thing: after you leave, I still have to live with him.
- Penny: I don't care. I'm taking a stand. Metaphorically.
- Sheldon Cooper: All right, that's it. Strike three.
- Penny: Oooh! Strike three!
- Penny: Leonard, remember when I said it was on? Well now it's Junior Rodeo on.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [softly, in a worried tone] Ohhh, not Junior Rodeo.
- Leonard Hofstadter: For the record, what you guys are doing is really creepy.
- Howard Wolowitz: You know what? If it's "creepy" to use the internet, military satellites and robot aircraft to find a house full of gorgeous young models so that I can drop in on them unexpectedly, then fine, I'm creepy.
- Sheldon Cooper: [in a computer message] Hello, puny insects. As a consequence of your efforts to circumvent my will, Everyone is awarded one additional strike.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Thanks a lot, Howard.
- Howard Wolowitz: What are you complaining about? I'm the one who has to take the class again.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [referring to the strikes Sheldon gave her] Don't worry, they only stay on your record for a year.
- Howard Wolowitz: You can get them removed early, but you have to take his class.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Penny, you don't want to get into it with Sheldon. The guy is one lab accident away from being a supervillain.
- Penny: I don't care. I was in Junior Rodeo. I can hogtie and castrate him in sixty seconds.
- Howard Wolowitz: No need to neuter the nerd, I can get you back online.
- Sheldon Cooper: Penny, I wish I could be more lenient with you, but since you've become a member of our social group I have to hold you to the same high standards as everybody else.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Congratulations, you're officially one of us.
- Howard Wolowitz: [chanting] One of us! One of us!
- Leonard Hofstadter: [just walking in on Sheldon and Penny] Hey, you guys are talking again, good!
- [Penny and Sheldon give him an annoyed look]
- Leonard Hofstadter: What happened?
- Howard Wolowitz: You're telling me that I'm within driving distance of a house filled with aspiring supermodels?
- Penny: Yeah, I guess.
- Howard Wolowitz: And they live together, and shower together, and have naked pillow fights.
- [Penny starts to leave]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey, where are you going?
- Penny: To pay my cable bill.