Jim Parsons credited as playing...
Sheldon Cooper
- Sheldon Cooper: Woman, you are playing with forces beyond your ken.
- Penny: Yeah, well, your "ken" can kiss my Barbie.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [about the Next Top Model house] Are you insane? You're not going to party with them. You're not even going to get anywhere near that place.
- Howard Wolowitz: That's what they said to Neil Armstrong abut the moon.
- Sheldon Cooper: No one said anything of the kind to Neil Armstrong. The entire nation dedicated a decade of effort and treasure to put a man on the moon.
- Howard Wolowitz: Well, my fellow Americans, before this year is out, we will put a Wolowitz on one of America's top models.
- Rajesh Koothrappali: And a large number of people will believe it never happened.
- Sheldon Cooper: Excuse me, Penny, but we're...
- Leonard Hofstadter: No, don't tell her!
- Sheldon Cooper: ...playing Klingon Boggle.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Awww...
- Howard Wolowitz: What do you mean "aww," like she didn't know we were nerds?
- Penny: [taking the guys' orders at Cheesecake Factory] Okay, let me guess: Quesadilla with soy cheese for the lactose-intolerant Leonard...
- Leonard Hofstadter: Thank you.
- Penny: ...shrimp Caesar salad with no almonds for the highly-allergic, kosher-only-on-the-high-holidays Howard...
- [Howard nods]
- Penny: ... and for our suddenly-back-on-the-Hindu-wagon Raj: meat lovers' pizza; no meat.
- [Raj bows to her]
- Penny: Coming right up.
- [She starts to leave]
- Sheldon Cooper: Wait, excuse me!
- [Penny stops]
- Sheldon Cooper: You forgot my barbecue bacon cheeseburger; barbecue sauce, bacon and cheese on the side.
- Penny: Oh, I didn't tell you? You're banished from the Cheesecake Factory.
- Sheldon Cooper: Why?
- Penny: Well, you have three strikes. One, coming in; two, sitting down; and three, I don't like your attitude.
- Sheldon Cooper: You can't do that. Not only is it a violation of California State law, it flies directly in the face of Cheesecake Factory policy.
- Penny: Yeah, I know; there's a new policy: no shoes, no shirt, no Sheldon.
- Howard Wolowitz: [softly, to Raj] I bet we could sell that sign all over Pasadena.
- Sheldon Cooper: You're sitting in my spot.
- Penny: Oh, gee... you gotta be kidding me.
- Sheldon Cooper: Leonard, she's in my spot.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, yeah. Uh... see, here's the thing: after you leave, I still have to live with him.
- Penny: I don't care. I'm taking a stand. Metaphorically.
- Sheldon Cooper: All right, that's it. Strike three.
- Penny: Oooh! Strike three!
- Penny: What was my first strike?
- Sheldon Cooper: March 18th. You violated my rule about forwarding e-mail humor.
- Penny: I did?
- Sheldon Cooper: The photo of a cat who wants to "haz cheezburger"?
- Penny: Oh, come on, everyone loves LOLcats. They're cute, and they can't spell, 'cause they're cats.
- Sheldon Cooper: [in a computer message] Hello, puny insects. As a consequence of your efforts to circumvent my will, Everyone is awarded one additional strike.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Thanks a lot, Howard.
- Howard Wolowitz: What are you complaining about? I'm the one who has to take the class again.
- [Penny has innocently taken an onion ring from Sheldon's plate of food]
- Penny: I didn't know. I'm sorry.
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, I'm sorry, but that is your second strike.
- Penny: What?
- Sheldon Cooper: You have two strikes. Three strikes, and you're out.
- [Penny looks at him blankly]
- Sheldon Cooper: It's a sports metaphor.
- Penny: A sports metaphor?
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes, baseball.
- Sheldon Cooper: Penny, I wish I could be more lenient with you, but since you've become a member of our social group I have to hold you to the same high standards as everybody else.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Congratulations, you're officially one of us.
- Howard Wolowitz: [chanting] One of us! One of us!
- Penny: And thanks to Sheldon's heated discussion with my manager, one barbecue bacon cheeseburger, barbecue sauce, bacon, and cheese on the side.
- Sheldon Cooper: Thank you.
- Penny: Go ahead, eat it. I dare you.
- Penny: [Referring to her underwear] How the hell did you get them up on that telephone wire?
- Sheldon Cooper: When you understand the laws of physics, Penny, anything is possible. And may I add, "Mwah, ha, ha."
- Penny: Get them down.
- Sheldon Cooper: Apologize.
- Penny: Never!
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, then, may I suggest you get a very long stick and play panty pinata.
- Sheldon Cooper: Penny.
- Penny: Yes?
- Sheldon Cooper: Well played.
- Penny: Thank you.
- Sheldon Cooper: Just remember: with great power comes great responsibility.
- Penny: Understood.
- Sheldon Cooper: Greetings hamburger toucher. You are probably wondering why you cannot IM with your little friends about how much you heart various things. Well, this recorded message is alerting you that I am putting an end to your parasitic piggy-backing upon our WiFi.
- Penny: Oh, no, are all the machines taken? What are you gonna do?
- Sheldon Cooper: No problem, I'll just do my laundry another night.
- Penny: Another night? Well, I guess you can try, but deep inside your heart, you'll know that laundry night is always Saturday night.