Jason Segel credited as playing...
Marshall Eriksen
- Ted Mosby: So, Karen in New York. Weird, right?
- Lily Aldrin: Ted, you can not get back together with Karen.
- Ted Mosby: I never said I was gonna get back together with her. But I was thinking, she's new in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave her a call?
- Marshall Eriksen: No. No, Ted, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one: a super volcano. Number two: an asteroid hits the Earth. Number three: All the Evel Knievel movies are lost. Number four: Ted calls Karen. Number five: Lily gets eaten by a shark.
- Lily Aldrin: I'm Lily, and I approve the order of that list.
- Ted Mosby: She wasn't that bad.
- Lily Aldrin: Of course not. That's because she turned you into one of her douche zombies.
- Marshall Eriksen: [zombie voice] I want to eat your brains, but only if they're organic and grass-fed.
- Ted Mosby: We've all done things in college we regret. Marshall grew a soul patch, wore a rasta hat and asked that everyone call him J.B. Smooth.
- Marshall Eriksen: I do not regret that for a second.
- Marshall Eriksen: The story is already written. Ted is Charlie Brown and Karen is Lucy, and she's going to pull the football away and have sex with it.