Jon Cryer credited as playing...
Alan Harper
- Alan Harper: I'm not gonna make it, Charlie.
- Charlie Harper: [with a knowing smile] Didn't think you would.
- Alan Harper: No goals, no challenges, no... no gut-wrenching fears driving me forward. I mean, how do you stand it?
- Charlie Harper: Me? Well, I have kind of an existential philosophy that shapes my outlook. It involves a willingness to let life carry me along in its wake as I contemplate its infinite mystery. Plus I drink and take a lot of naps.