Charlie Sheen credited as playing...
Charlie Harper
- Charlie Harper: What's your problem?
- Jake Harper: My problem is you're a sleazeball!
- Charlie Harper: Really. How so?
- Alan Harper: Oh, please. You're in a committed relationship with a wonderful woman and the minute her back is turned, you're out gallivanting.
- Jake Harper: Gallivanting?
- Alan Harper: Screwing around.
- Jake Harper: Why don't you just say screwing around?
- Charlie Harper: Hey! As we speak, Chelsea is out there doing the same thing.
- Alan Harper: Oh, really? She's pouring liquor down the throat of an inebriated party girl?
- Jake Harper: Inebriated?
- Alan Harper: Drunk.
- Jake Harper: Jeez! Who are you showing off for?
- Charlie Harper: [Charlie's girlfriend is out of town, so he proposes that he and Alan and Jake do something together] So, what's it gonna be? A movie? Bowling? Putt-putt? Nevada cat house?
- Jake Harper: I vote for cat house!
- Alan Harper: Do you even know what a cat house is?
- Jake Harper: Not first hand! That's why I voted for it!
- Alan Harper: A movie would be fine.
- Charlie Harper: Alright. A movie it is. What's out that's good?
- Jake Harper: There's a new pirate movie. It's rated Arrrrrr.
- [he pauses, no-one reacts]
- Jake Harper: You guys have no sense of humor.