Kunal Nayyar credited as playing...
Raj Koothrappali
- [Sheldon and Rajesh are watching television. Alka Yagnik's voice can be heard singing]
- Sheldon Cooper: Is that woman Aishwarya Rai?
- Rajesh Koothrapali: Yes, isn't she an amazing actress?
- Sheldon Cooper: Actually, I'd say she's a poor man's Madhuri Dixit.
- Rajesh Koothrapali: [angered, Rajesh turns his head toward Sheldon] How *dare* you! Aishwarya Rai is a goddess! By comparison, Madhuri Dixit is a l-leperous prostitute!
- Sheldon Cooper: [shocked] Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. Obviously, you're not that familiar with Indian cinema.
- Rajesh Koothrapali: [angrily turns his head toward Sheldon a second time]
- [Sheldon moves in with Koothrapali]
- Sheldon Cooper: This is a very old building.
- Rajesh Koothrapali: Sixty years. Used to be a watch factory.
- Sheldon Cooper: Don't you worry about the residual radium from the luminous dials?
- Rajesh Koothrapali: Not until now!
- Sheldon Cooper: I can't believe I didn't bring my Geiger counter. I had it on my bed, and I didn't pack it.
- Rajesh Koothrapali: Well, if you're not comfortable staying here, Sheldon...
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm kidding! I packed it.
- Howard Wolowitz: [Hears a knock on his door] Who is it?
- Rajesh Koothrapali: [High-pitched voice] Strippergram!
- [Howard opens door; it's actually Rajesh with Sheldon]
- Rajesh Koothrapali: Tag, you're it.
- [Runs off]
- Howard Wolowitz: Couldn't you've just wrapped him up in a paper bag and set fire to him?
- [Sheldon is looking for a place to stay]
- Rajesh Koothrapali: You can't stay with me - I have a teeny, tiny apartment.
- Sheldon Cooper: Excuse me, but isn't hosting guests an aspect of Manushya-Yajna, one of the five central religious duties or sacrifices of the Hindu house-holder?
- Rajesh Koothrapali: I hate trains!
- Sheldon Cooper: Don't be silly - you love trains.
- Rajesh Koothrapali: We just came from the exhibit of preserved cadavers.
- Howard Wolowitz: And some of those skinless women were hot!
- Sheldon Cooper: If you'll excuse me, I have to pack.
- Howard Wolowitz: That's a bit of an overreaction to a little harmless necrophilia.
- Leonard Hofstadter: We went to dinner, we talked, we laughed, we kissed... Where could I have possibly gone wrong?
- Howard Wolowitz: Think back, Leonard. The littlest things can set women off. Like "Hey, the waitress is hot, I bet we could get her to come home with us." Or "How much does your mom weigh? I want to know what I'm getting into."
- Leonard Hofstadter: I didn't say anything like that.
- Howard Wolowitz: Good, 'cause they don't work.
- Rajesh Koothrapali: They also don't care for it if you stare at them and hyperventilate. Sadly, that's my home run swing.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Look, everything went fine.
- [unhides mini sheets]
- Leonard Hofstadter: I didn't even have to refer to my impromptu conversation starters. That woman across the hall is into me.
- Howard Wolowitz: Let's go to the tape.
- [shows the hidden camera record]
- Howard Wolowitz: Look at her reaction to the good night kiss. No change in respiration, pupils un-dilated, no flushing of the chest.
- Rajesh Koothrapali: Nice close-up, by the way.
- Sheldon Cooper: Interesting. Her jaws are clenched: no tongue access. Clearly a bad sign amongst mating humans.
- Leonard Hofstadter: That's not a bad sign.
- Sheldon Cooper: Please... You might as well have been two iguana with no dewlap enlargement.
- Rajesh Koothrapali: And the worst sign of all is you're here and not there.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm not there because I'm taking things slow; by the way, compared to you guys, approaches warp speed.
- [Leaving the room]
- Leonard Hofstadter: And take down that camera!
- Rajesh Koothrapali: He was a lot more fun when he had no hope.
- Howard Wolowitz: Give him time.
- Howard Wolowitz: [Wolowitz and Koothrapali have been watching Leonard and Penny on a video camera] You should thank us. When future generations try to determine why your date with Penny crashed and burned, this right here is the black box.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What are you talking about? The date went fine!
- Rajesh Koothrapali: Dude, she said she wants to slow things down.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Okay, so she said she wants to slow things down. It's like saying, "I'm really enjoying this meal! I'm going to slow down and savor it."
- Howard Wolowitz: No - it's like: "This fish tastes bad, so I'm gonna slow down and spit it out."
- Rajesh Koothrapali: You being the fish.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I'm not the fish!