Frozen Flesh

You know what we learned kids? If you don't have talent, then DON'T MAKE A MOVIE. You don't want to end up like Justin French! That's right, kids! I'm talking about the guy behind this piece of dump. He's made some, oh not good, but not bad, but REALLY boring and the most awful sheet I've ever witnissed. What is this anyway? I can't watch this any longer. I had high hopes for this film, thinking it would be another one of those cheesy gore movies. Plot? It claims to have a killer burglar cooking and literally eating his victims. This could be one of the most best things to ever come to film, but what do we get? 112 fricking minutes of NOTHING! How do these films get made? Just how? Justin does show some hints and facts that he REALLY doesn't even try at all. Also why is the only character in this movie named "The Mass Murderer"? He does no killing at all, but only swings at the air at the not bloody knife, that we're supposed to believe that's the victim, but this movie has only one actor, so we'll just say he's swining at no body. The whole movie... Well what do you wanna know? It must be seen to be believed! Now let's get to the effects. The only budget put into this movie is that fake hand you can always get at a halloween store, and chocolate syrup poured into a sink, thinking that's blood. So, what to say about this. IT SUCKS IT SUCKS IT SUCKS THE END.

If you can watch this P.O.S to end, you deserve a pat on the back.

This the single worst horror film ever made. There are seven scenes in the whole film, one of which that includes a man stabbing the air for seventy minutes.

Also, There is no real story and the red tone color gave me a headache.

Overall, there is nothing much else to say about this mess. It can hardly even be thought of as a film, just random shots of nothing.

Please take my warning: Never (and I mean never) even consider watching this trash.

Justin French = Talentless hack.

Frank Gillis plays the mass murderer.Watch him cook and eat his victims right before your very eyes.The director of "Frozen Flesh" proudly claims that his film is the most explicitly gory,shocking,bloody and controversial movie ever made.A bunch of lies!I have seen thousands of horror movies and I'm very tolerant when it comes to low-budget indie horror,but literally nothing happens in "Frozen Flesh".We see our mass murderer,who is trying to cook the hand of the victim and it takes him almost an eternity to do this.We see boiling faucet,we see severed hand and flies on it,we see faceless killer breathing and stabbing the air.We feel incredibly depressing boredom.No gore,no nudity,no suspense-just static shots filmed with a red lens filter.I can't believe that I subjected myself to such nightmarish piece of garbage.1 out of 10.

This movie is without a doubt, the single worst piece of trash i have ever watched. I deserve a medal for watching it thru to the end. I felt compelled to create an IMDb account just so i could review this god awful "film". I only watched it out of some morbid curiosity i got from reading other reviews on it... much akin i supposed to wanting to play "Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde" on the NES after watching an AVN review. Knowing it wasn't going to be scary, i thought i could at least get a kick out of how bad it was, but all i got was irate at the fact that i had just wasted 112 minutes of my life watching....nothing. It's minuscule budget would have been better served buying cheeseburgers for fat people and the director and "actor"'s time would have been better spent watching paint dry. Both functions would have been more productive than unleashing this colossal piece of crap upon the world. Summary: It stinks and I hate it.

Just in case this is the first you've heard of this "film": This is not a real movie. It is, apparently, an attempt at a practical joke. All the "reviews" quoted on the poster are completely fabricated by the director, and there is absolutely nothing to be gained from watching this "movie."

Let me start by saying that I enjoy a good joke at the expense of others as much as the next d-bag. At least in principle, I'm totally on board with the notion of playing a joke on all the dumb wannabe film critics that have infested the internet, who think that posting a bunch of irate, vitriolic movie reviews rife with spelling errors will make them look smart. Such people frequently complain about how these sub-par films have "wasted" their time, as if they would have used that time to find a cure for cancer if only the awful filmmakers of the world weren't forcing them to watch all these worthless movies.

Needless to say, I'm generally supportive of any scheme designed to take such people down a peg, and as I understand it, Frozen Flesh was intended to be just such a scheme. In my opinion, it wasn't a complete failure in that sense. If you poke around a little on any film/horror review website, you're bound to find page after page of angry, indignant "movie buffs" ranting and raving about how director Justin French has wasted their time an violated their brains.

But that doesn't make Frozen Flesh worth watching. It may very well be the most pointless, least worthwhile sequence of images ever caught on camera. Regardless of the director's intent, Frozen Flesh is a spectacular cinematic failure, and no amount of amusingly angry pseudo-critics is going to change that. In fact, it's so bad that it actually gives some credibility to those infuriated reviewers, which is where I start to take issue with it. While I can see the humour in playing a joke on self-important morons who take themselves too seriously, nobody likes being lied to, and that seems to be exactly what Justin French set out to do in making this "film": he blatantly deceives viewers "for the lulz," and that's pretty tasteless and mean-spirited, even by my standards.

At the end of the day, what Frozen Flesh really amounts to is a film that's not worth watching, and a joke that's not that funny. Even if you're not going to find the cure for cancer, your time would be better spent doing anything other than watching Frozen Flesh.