Kaitlin Olson credited as playing...
Dee Reynolds
- Charlie Kelly: [Charlie and Dee examine bodies in a morgue] These are two dead bodies.
- Dee Reynolds: They're dead. Two dead guys.
- Charlie Kelly: This is the real deal here.
- Dee Reynolds: [Examining African American specimen] I don't think I can eat this guy.
- Charlie Kelly: I don't think I can, right? Why is that?
- Dee Reynolds: I don't know.
- Charlie Kelly: It's not because he's black, though, right?
- Dee Reynolds: Of course not... I don't think so... No.
- Charlie Kelly: It's because he's dead, right?
- Dee Reynolds: It's because he's dead, that's why not.
- Charlie Kelly: Good, good, good.
- [pause]
- Charlie Kelly: I've got a question for you: is it racist if we don't eat this guy?
- Dee Reynolds: Well, shit, Charlie. Now it is.
- Charlie Kelly: I'm sorry, Dee.
- [walking over to white specimen]
- Charlie Kelly: The white guy over here looks better to me for some reason.
- Dee Reynolds: So much better, doesn't he? What is that?
- Charlie Kelly: You know what it is? Generally, I don't eat dark meat.
- Dee Reynolds: I prefer the white meat. I always have.
- Charlie Kelly: It's not that guy. It's this guy.
- Dee Reynolds: The problem is: I'm gonna have a really hard time if we're both cannibals *and* we're racists.
- Dee Reynolds: We're not, Dee. Cannibalism? Racism? Dee, that's not for us. You know? Those are the decisions that are best left to the suits in Washington. Okay? We're just here to eat some dude.
- Dee Reynolds: You lost me with Washington, but the rest I agree with. So let's eat a peace of this guy.
- Charlie Kelly: [long, apprehensive pause] I can't do it.
- Dee Reynolds: No. Me neither.
- Charlie Kelly: The goods news is, I guess this means we're not racist.
- Frank Reynolds: [Charlie and Dee are discussing where to get some human meat from Frank] That wasn't human meat! It was raccoon meat. You probably got a tapeworm, that stuff is loaded with parasites!
- Charlie Kelly: [Charlie starts laughing hysterically] Raccoon meat! BULLSHIT!
- Dee Reynolds: Oh yes Frank, we're gonna go get some of that human meat of yours!
- Charlie Kelly: [brandishing a butcher knife] I'M GONNA CHOP A PIECE OF THAT FAT LITTLE CALF MUSCLE OF YOURS AND I'M GONNA EAT IT! GET HIM!
- [Charlie and Dee chase after Frank]
- Mac: And the hunt is on once again.
- Dennis Reynolds: Oh those two are gonna have so much fun.
- [Dennis goes and locks the door]
- Mac: Yes indeed. But the question still remains with what to do with Mr. Cricket.
- Dennis Reynolds: Yup Mac, it's just us now. Just you and me, and a couple of pairs of sour, sweaty balls.
- Frank Reynolds: Ah I see you two are enjoying my meat. I was just buying some wine. A nice port to compliment what you two have just eaten. By the way, you know what you've just eaten right?
- Dee Reynolds: Was it venison?
- Frank Reynolds: You WISH it was venison!
- Charlie Kelly: What is it then?
- Frank Reynolds: THAT which you have just eaten, which your taste buds have savored, which your teeth have just torn apart, THAT is human meat.