Glenn Howerton: Dennis Reynolds

The Gang Gets Extreme: Home Makeover Edition

Dennis Reynolds

Dennis Reynolds: [wearing high cut jean shorts] Check this out.
[stretches his legs apart]
Charlie Kelly: Go, go, go. Whoa! Any more?
Dennis Reynolds: That's it, but that's pretty wide, right?
Charlie Kelly: That is good, you know? And you're not getting any high ride.
Dennis Reynolds: I'm getting a high ride, but the shorts aren't preventing me from doing what I need to do.
Charlie Kelly: And that's the shorts.
Dennis Reynolds: That's exactly right, man. See, your shorts, they're holding you back, man. Well, that and your hips. But I gotta tell ya, the shorts aren't helping.

Charlie Kelly: So, we got ourselves a little Mexican girl here and I'm thinking, well, what does a little Mexican girl love more than anything else in the world?
Dennis Reynolds: Mmm, tacos.
Charlie Kelly: Tacos, buddy! So, why not make for her a taco bed? You know what I mean?
Dennis Reynolds: Okay!
Charlie Kelly: She gets to, like, be in a taco every day. So, okay, I got yellow sheets. That's cheese. Green, guacamole. A red little pillow for salsa. And I got these cute little brown pjs so that she gets to feel like ground meat while she's sleeping.
Dennis Reynolds: Ah, she's the ground meat in the middle.
Charlie Kelly: She's the ground meat in the middle!

Mac: Now, this is smart. The first step to becoming an American, get a credit card.
Dennis Reynolds: Oh yeah, man, we need this guy to build up copious amounts of debt. That's the best way for him to build up his credit. We're doing him a favor here.
Charlie Kelly: We're doing him a huge favor! And do you realize how extreme this is to go from no debt to good ol' fashioned American debt? That's the way to do it. Plus, I've been envisioning someone else paying for this thing the entire time.
Dennis Reynolds: I'm also envisioning him unloading all the shit into the car.

Dennis Reynolds: Mac, why don't you get started on the family makeover with Dee.
Mac: Family makeover with Dee? No, I wanna be a part of the renovation team.
Dennis Reynolds: I know you do, but the thing is...
Charlie Kelly: You get so excited about the smashing and then you make it competitive.
Dennis Reynolds: You turn it into a competition.
Mac: That's bullshit, 'cause I'm a better smasher than you guys! I should be on the head of the smashing team! You wanna have a smash-off?

Dennis Reynolds: You know what? Just... Get me the flamethrower. I'm so sick of this wall. I want to burn it up now!
Charlie Kelly: Okay, it's time. Okay, there's also a fire extinguisher too.
Dennis Reynolds: Great.
Charlie Kelly: I think we should use this, man.
Dennis Reynolds: I think we should too. So here's how this is gonna go down: I will light a fire on the wall. Charlie, have that extinguisher ready 'cause I don't want the fire to spread past the parameters of this wall.
Charlie Kelly: I will create a parameter with the fire extinguisher.
Dennis Reynolds: The only safe way to do this, okay?
Charlie Kelly: It'll be perfectly safe.
Dennis Reynolds: Then once the wall's all weakened from the burned-up fires, then we're gonna kick it to pieces, smash it to bits, and take the rubble outside and burn that too.
Charlie Kelly: Burn that too, and then I'll put it out with this. All right, perfect. And then I'll get started on my taco bed.