Penn Badgley credited as playing...
Dan Humphrey
- Dan Humphrey: Maybe we should stay away from each other for awhile.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah, you're right. You and Amanda should probably go.
- Dan Humphrey: Are you ordering me to leave?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Consider it a suggestion. Why should I go, Dan? These are my friends here, and it's not exactly your kind of place.
- Dan Humphrey: I, uh, I heard your, uh, friend sneak out early this morning.
- Rufus Humphrey: [uncomfortably] Clare, is it?
- Dan Humphrey: Come on. High heels, concrete loft? Not the blueprint for a stealthy getaway.
- Dan Humphrey: [Jenny wears school uniform] Hey. You look great, sweetie. You excited for the big first day?
- Jenny Humphrey: Dad, how, uh, set are you on this whole going-to-school thing?
- Rufus Humphrey: Pretty set. Why?
- Jenny Humphrey: The first day of school is draft day. Blair and her merry band of psychos are gonna be on a tear.
- [Rufus glances at Dan]
- Jenny Humphrey: They categorize girls into two groups: projects and victims. Girls who have the potential to be Blair-ites become projects. And total losers and the girls who have the potential to threaten social order become victims. I was a project last year, and we all know how that turned out.
- [the menfolk just stare dumbly at her]
- Jenny Humphrey: What?
- Rufus Humphrey: Nothing.
- Dan Humphrey: Totally with you.
- [Jenny sighs and walks out]
- Rufus Humphrey: [to Dan] Did you understand any of That?
- Dan Humphrey: I'm so glad I'm not a girl.
- Jenny Humphrey: You'd be the worst PI ever.
- Dan Humphrey: Yeah, I don't wanna be caught off guard. Surprised I haven't seen her.
- Jenny Humphrey: Yeah, especially since you're in the girls' hallway looking for her.
- [Dan chuckles sheepishly]
- Jenny Humphrey: Just be nice. I'm sure this isn't easy for Serena either.
- [Blair's posse comes walking down the hallway, ignoring Jenny]
- Jenny Humphrey: It... it was like I didn't even exist.
- Dan Humphrey: Mm. Welcome to my world. It's not so bad once you get used to birds flying into your head and automatic doors never opening.
- Jenny Humphrey: Yeah,
- [chuckles]
- Jenny Humphrey: I guess it's better to be ignored than tortured, right?