John Cho credited as playing...
Harold
- Harold: You still haven't explained the gay thing.
- Kumar: You're not gay, motherfucker!
- Harold: At all.
- Neil Patrick Harris: Yeah that's something us magicians like to call misdirection. Just a little something I picked up from my man, Clay Aiken.
- Kumar: What? Clay Aiken's not gay?
- Neil Patrick Harris: Are you kidding me? Clay's the biggest coos hound I know. That guy gets mad gash.
- Kenneth Park: This is a Sharp 52" Aquos Quattron TV with state-of-the-art 3D technology that makes Avatar look Avatar-ded.
- Harold: I don't know. Hasn't the whole 3D thing jumped shark by now?
- Kenneth Park: Mr. Lee, you don't understand. This is the best 3D you've ever seen. It's gonna be amazing!
- [Kenneth gives two thumbs up to the audience]
- Harold: Who are you looking at?
- Harold: [after Mr Perez furiously yells at Harold for ruining Christmas, and Harold finally snaps] I runined your... You ruined my Christmas man. You know what happened to me tonight? Uh, I inadvertly introduced a baby to cocaine, I was almost burned alive by Ukrainian gangsters, I was drugged by asshole teenagers, and I danced on stage in a Christmas extravaganza and I'm a terrible dancer, I almost had my dick ripped off. And then I shot Santa Claus in the fucking face. He's real, and I shot him in the face. Why? Because I wanted you to have a perfect fucking Christmas. And, here's a news flash. This is my house, Maria is my wife, and if you want to be in our family, you best show me some fucking respect. Was that too much?
- Harold: [after Mr Perez enrages at Harold for ruining Christmas] I runined your... You ruined my Christmas man. You know what I've been through tonight? Uh, I inadvertly introduced a baby to cocaine, I was almost burned alive by Ukrainian gangsters, I was drugged by asshole teenagers, then I danced on stage in a Christmas extravaganza and I'm a terrible dancer, I almost had my dick ripped off, and then I shot Santa Claus in the fucking face. He's real and I shot him in the face. Why? Because I wanted you to have a perfect fucking Christmas. And here's a news flash. This is my house, Maria is my wife, and if you wanna be in our family, you best show me some respect. Was that too much?
- Neil Patrick Harris: What can I do for you, my burglars of turd?
- Kumar: How the heck are you still alive?
- Neil Patrick Harris: What are you talking about?
- Harold: We saw you get shot! Remember?
- Neil Patrick Harris: You have to be more specific.
- Kumar: In that whorehouse?
- Harold: In Texas!
- Kumar: You branded a prostitute!
- Harold: Remember?
- Neil Patrick Harris: Oh yeah!