Kal Penn credited as playing...
Kumar
- Kumar: [Upon being asked to go to a Christmas Eve party] No can do man. I have to stay here and smoke this weed, otherwise I won't get high.
- [Kumar butts to the front of the line and is now on Santa's lap]
- Mother in Santa line-up: HEY! Back of the line, Tech Support!
- Kumar: Take it easy, Reba. Your little boy can rub his ass on Santa's cock in a minute!
- Harold: You still haven't explained the gay thing.
- Kumar: You're not gay, motherfucker!
- Harold: At all.
- Neil Patrick Harris: Yeah that's something us magicians like to call misdirection. Just a little something I picked up from my man, Clay Aiken.
- Kumar: What? Clay Aiken's not gay?
- Neil Patrick Harris: Are you kidding me? Clay's the biggest coos hound I know. That guy gets mad gash.
- Kumar: You have a good job, you make good money, and you don't beat your wife. What more could a Latino father-in-law ask for?
- Kumar: I haven't shaved since you left. Pretty romantic, right? Like Ryan Gosling in "The Notebook."
- Wafflebot: Would you like a waffle, Mr. Harris?
- Neil Patrick Harris: Shut up! God, I hate this fucking pancake bot thing.
- Kumar: Dude, it's Wafflebot. Not a pancake bot, they're awesome.
- Neil Patrick Harris: Hey, waffle thing! Get the fuck out of my life!
- [kicks Wafflebot]
- Wafflebot: Ouch!
- Neil Patrick Harris: What can I do for you, my burglars of turd?
- Kumar: How the heck are you still alive?
- Neil Patrick Harris: What are you talking about?
- Harold: We saw you get shot! Remember?
- Neil Patrick Harris: You have to be more specific.
- Kumar: In that whorehouse?
- Harold: In Texas!
- Kumar: You branded a prostitute!
- Harold: Remember?
- Neil Patrick Harris: Oh yeah!