Rob Corddry credited as playing...
- Chariot: I say we watch her and we watch alpha team; I got a bad feeling about this.
- Emperor: You sure that's not just the DTs talking?
- Chariot: Well I'm still drunk, so, it can't be the DTs.
- Emperor: There you go, you corrected me.
- Chariot: Let's put it this way: If it weren't for Omega...
- Fool: Which is who?
- High Priestess: Us.
- Chariot: ...the Middle East would be a cloud of dust right now.
- Fool: Uh, isn't the Middle East already kind of a cloud of dust?
- High Priestess: He meant literally.
- Fool: What does Alpha do?
- Chariot: You know, the usual. Some president, UN official, American politician wants to talk shit about the military industrial complex, wants to stop spending $600 billion on a war with no fucking end, well, whether it be 1963 or now, they intervene.
- Chariot: I'm gonna fucking rape your soul!
- Fool: All right, so what happens if that door malfunctions? How do we get out?
- Chariot: You don't.
- Chariot: [to Empress] Oh, wow! Look at you. You vixen. What are you, entering a slut contest?
- Devil: [Temperence stands speechless after seeing Fool] Do you find sometimes a pregnant pause just, just says it all?
- Chariot: Yes, sir, the tension's palpable.
- Empress: I'm hot.
- Fool: [Chariot is showing Fool his new office] Am I smaller than everyone else is? And there's a column in the middle.
- Chariot: Yeah, well, it's 'cause it's your first day. And you're a fucking loser.
- Magician: Hey, just out of curiosity, what happened to you? I mean, when I first got here, you were the shit, I mean, I wanted to be you. Now, you know, you're like - I don't know. You're like... borderline homeless. You're a fucking... deadbeat.
- Chariot: Yeah, well, look on the bright side. My poetry's really coming along.
- Chariot: Little baby dick grew some balls?
- Magician: Just orders, man. Just following orders.
- Chariot: Well, your subservience will be the death of you.
- Chariot: [Upon seeing Hierophant dead body] You are still hot.
- Chariot: Hey, you know what, you guys have been great, but I'm gonna go drink myself to death.
- Empress: Shut the fuck up.
- Chariot: Chug my cock.
- Fool: You do this every morning?
- Chariot: [laughs] No, no, I drink as much as I do, because every day is Christmas.
- Chariot: He's endearingly retarded.
- Chariot: I don't give a shit about your relationship. I wanna know what she's like in bed. Man, what do her insides feel like?
- Chariot: Who gives a shit? We're all gonna die. Let's fuck!
- Chariot: The devil. It's not really as ominous as it sounds. He's a portly bastard with manicured nails, no real field experience, and the razor sharp wit of a six year old autistic boy. He's called the devil because, you know ... it's spooky.
- Chariot: I'm still drunk, so it can't be the DTs.
- Chariot: Shut the fucking door, bitch! Born in a barn?
