Glenn Howerton credited as playing...
Dennis Reynolds
- Dee Reynolds: You know what, I gotta be honest with you, I think these supplements are doing a great job on their own, you know what I mean? I got tons of energy, my heart rates up, things are going great...
- Dennis Reynolds: Absolutely. I feel great too. Look how vascular I am, look at how my veins are poppin'.
- Dee Reynolds: Holy shit.
- Dennis Reynolds: Yeah, I look good AND I feel good.
- Dee Reynolds: I feel good too apart from the recent bounds of explosive diarrhea.
- Dennis Reynolds: Oh. You've been having diarrhea?
- Dee Reynolds: Oh God, all over the place.
- Dennis Reynolds: Really? Well you know what that is, that's probably your body flushing out all the toxins.
- Dee Reynolds: You think so?
- Dennis Reynolds: I do think so yeah, yeah. I on the other hand have not taken a shit in days.
- Dee Reynolds: Days?
- Dennis Reynolds: Days.
- Dee Reynolds: That doesn't sound good.
- Dennis Reynolds: Oh, no it's good. My body's working at 100% efficiency. Yeah, my body is absorbing every single nutrient and it's not wasting a single thing.
- Dee Reynolds: Your body is taking it's job very seriously.
- Dennis Reynolds: My body's doing it's job like it's never done it before.
- Dee Reynolds: What the shit is this?
- Charlie Kelly: Uh, Cheech over here bought himself a bong.
- Frank Reynolds: [taking a massive bong rip] Holy shit Deandra, this is wacky. I want you to go download me a hoagie off the internet.
- Dee Reynolds: I'm sorry? Those words don't make any s- sense... Oh God, you guys... Oh, weird, I feel weird.
- Mac: Rip another one, bro.
- Charlie Kelly: Yeah, say something else stupid too.
- Dee Reynolds: My arm's kinda numb. Dennis, can you feel my head? Is it hot, am I hot?
- Dennis Reynolds: I'm not touching you.
- Dee Reynolds: I'm serious you guys, something's not right. I...
- Frank Reynolds: You think there's bitches in the bar?
- Mac: What?
- Frank Reynolds: Bitches in the bar.
- Dee Reynolds: I feel like... I'm being really serious you guys, I need some help...
- [faints]
- Dennis Reynolds: Uh God, what is her problem?
- Charlie Kelly: I don't know.
- [cue title "Sweet Dee Has a Heart Attack"]
- Dee Reynolds: Why don't we up the supplements which we know work and eliminate working out which we know blows.
- Dennis Reynolds: That sounds like a pretty good plan. You know what? I'm gonna take it one step further and propose that we start working on a muscle that we've been neglecting this entire time. And it's the most important muscle in the entire body.
- [takes out fitness instructor's CD and inserts his own into the CD player]
- Dee Reynolds: Which muscle?
- Dennis Reynolds: The face.
- [Steve Winwood's "Higher Love" begins playing]
- Dennis Reynolds: That's a gift for you, Bumble Bee. Come on.
- Dee Reynolds: Enjoy it, Coach Dick 'n' Balls.
- Dennis Reynolds: Now, you're clear on these instructions, right?
- Dee Reynolds: Yeah, yeah, I think so.
- Dennis Reynolds: Yeah, you know... you know what you're doing? They're in Spanish.
- Dee Reynolds: Ehh, yeah but you know, if you know Latin you know like three languages so...
- Dennis Reynolds: Well, as far as I know you don't speak Latin.
- Dee Reynolds: I don't speak Latin but there's pictures in here so I think we're good.
- Dee Reynolds: [looking in a mirror after injecting Dennis' face] Number one, I'd like to get rid of these crow's feet that I have been noticing coming in which I do not appreciate. And hear me out on this one, it's a little weird. I'm thinking about doing something to my earlobes. I've never really liked my earlobes...
- [puts mirror down and notices Dennis' swollen red eye]
- Dee Reynolds: Ahh! Jesus.
- Dennis Reynolds: What?
- Dee Reynolds: How's that eye feel?
- Dennis Reynolds: It feels a little weird. I'm having a little trouble seeing out of it. That's normal, right?
- Dee Reynolds: I don't think so.
- Dennis Reynolds: It's not? Really? Oh God, now that you mention it, sis, I do feel a fair amount of pain coming on. God, it stings.
- Dee Reynolds: Yeah? Uh-huh. Uhh, shit Dennis, I think maybe I switched these up.
- Dennis Reynolds: You switched 'em up? What the hell!
- Dee Reynolds: I don't know, maybe I put some collagen in your eye!
- Dennis Reynolds: You injected Mexican collagen in my eye?
- Dennis Reynolds: You know what's scary about this whole thing really is that I have the same genes as her.
- Mac: Yeah, I'm concerned for myself and Charlie as well. We lead a very rock 'n' roll lifestyle.
- Charlie Kelly: I know!
- Dee Reynolds: I just had a heart attack! Can we focus on me for two minutes here?
- Charlie Kelly: I feel like we did talk about you...
- Mac: Dee, your ship has sailed, okay? It's time to move on to us, the people who are going to live on. Guys, we gotta make sure this does not happen to us.
- Dennis Reynolds: Yeah, that's the important thing here. We need to focus on ourselves.