Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

There's hardly a kid born from the 80s who has never heard of this totally bodacious group of walking, talking, pizza-eating, street-fighting reptiles. It has always been a goofy saga, but it was also hip, action-packed, and colorful. Can the same be said about the latest adaptation?

On the surface level, 2014's TMNT at least looks the part. It's a fairly breezy film that never takes itself seriously, packing on generous heapings of goofy comedy, stylish action scenes, and loads of special effects. The first half of the film takes its time to follow April O'Neil around, who inevitably uncovers the secret of the turtles' existence, and the outlandish Foot Clan plot to take over New York City. The last half of the film is pretty much all-out fighting and action, which includes a fight in the sewers, a lengthy chase scene down the slopes of a mountain, and a final showdown on top of a skyscraper. Thus, I found the last half of the film the most engaging.

It's still not without its problems though. Despite the light-hearted tone and all the jokes, very little of it made me laugh outright. The humor is quite low-brow and doofy. Action scenes will be a hit and a miss; fight scenes in the film's first half are horribly shot and edited (on purpose nonetheless). Later scenes are still hectic, but are at least watchable and fairly fun. Scenes in between try their best to keep things rolling fast and without becoming droll, but without any major emotional investment, these scenes tend to drag a bit.

Beyond the surface-level comedy and action, there's not much else to this film. The plot is pretty much a mash-up of typical TMNT fare and 2007's Transformers (also an adaptation of an 80s cartoon where human characters discover some weird life form and gets caught in the middle of a war nobody knew existed; both starring Megan Fox nonetheless). What plot the movie has is riddled with plot holes, and scenes that are simply way too unbelievable (maybe not a valid complaint for TMNT, but with the way the film tries to look believable, the film shoots its own creditability in the foot). The turtle characters are fun to watch, usually, and Splinter is one cool rat. They aren't terribly deep characters, but they are colorful, and there is just enough background to them to keep them from being total caricatures. Other characters aren't as good: April O'Neil is almost annoying as she obsesses over the turtles and shouts her findings at everybody she runs across. Her sidekick is a dork. Shredder is extremely flat, lifeless, and lacking in presence, serving little more than an excuse to have a boss fight at the end of the movie. The film draws some connections between all the characters to give their interactions more backing, but it only strains the creditability of the plot even further.

The film's photography looks good sometimes and terrible at other times. Editing is choppy. Acting is pretty lackluster from the whole crowd; Megan Fox is far from endearing despite her looks, the voice acting can be a hit or a miss, and other actors don't really take their roles seriously, for better or for worse. Writing is pretty daft. This production uses okay-looking sets, props, and costumes. Locales are pretty small-scale most of the time. Special effects vary from good to bad. Music is okay (I got to admit that I found the end credits song catchy).

This incarnation of the Turtles definitely has its flaws, but it tries to be a fun picture, and it is at least partway successful. Not everybody will be quite as easily charmed as I am, so I'm compelled to recommend approaching this movie with caution.

3/5 (Entertainment: Pretty Good | Story: Marginal | Film: Marginal)

No matter how the name Michael Bay is attached to a fantasy adaptation, people will complain anything about the project. But as a producer, does it affect much to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Surprisingly yes. As the same as the public response about the Transformers franchise, people turned out to be ranting at the wrong stuff. At the post-viewing, maybe we can accept the heavy reliance to cartoony CGI, or the large amount of explosions, or the really poor plot. The real sin of these movies is its lack of interest to its main heroes and instead focuses on the human characters. Which is a shame, because it somewhat gets it right with the turtles, their stories are more interesting than the one we ended up seeing. The film does have some rewarding moments, but it just keeps hindering us to the less interesting parts which makes it disappointing.

It is clear that if follows the same screen writing rules of the last Bay franchise. Instead of being about the Ninja Turtles, it rather centers on April O'Neil. Instead of fearing the Foot Clan, the threat would rather focus in some evil corporal manager. Any larger-than-life characters from the source material have only left out as the secondary need of the journey: the turtles are now plot devices and the Shredder is, for some reason, a henchman. I bet the fact that Casey Jones wears a mask is the reason why we can't have him in this film. For the story of April, it might only work as a subplot. There isn't enough theme or intrigue to accomplish unlike the one from its actual heroes. There is some talk about Raphael mistreating his brothers, which is a theme that was already done better in the past TMNT movies, and Master Splinter's backstory as the turtles' father, which is only presented for expository need. They don't get the development they deserve, which makes the drama in the end feels so forced and less than effective.

April's arc would have been tolerable if it gives her more moments to actually connect with the turtles, but the only information it could provide is that they're her childhood pets, she's only using those beloved characters to her job, teasing us the much interesting world beneath the sewers. The palpable respect we may give to this film is the humor. It may not be fantastic and all, but it's not bad either, at least it defines one of its personalities. The action is obviously large and destructive, well at least we get to see more ninja action. The acting is predictable: Megan Fox's humanless expressions make her April O'Neil difficult to root for. The voice and motion-capture actors worked better for having a sense of fun in their enthusiasm.

The single greatest scene of the film is when the turtles are making a tune out of an elevator sound. That is one of the reasons why we love these characters anyway. Newcomers will still convince the fans to give up nostalgia and move on to the changes, but that doesn't mean it has to diminish it as a generic/bland action blockbuster. The film just won at the box office, so definitely there will be a sequel. The only advice we could wholeheartedly give is to have more love to the heroes. We did saw that occasionally, but we hope to have more of their sewer life with their pop cultural obsession and mass consumption of pizza, plus have interesting villains, some real and not forced familial themes, and at least a solid plot since these Ninja Turtles movies hardly ever had one. The fights were the only parts that weren't tamed from them, because apparently that is what the filmmakers are mostly interested at. It just isn't enough, and as a fan, they should have focused on rebuilding its already richer world than this.

Folks, it's no exaggeration when I say this one is bad. And I'm not just reviewing it as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. The Ninja Turtles are a lore. Every telling of the story deserves its own version, like Dracula, Sherlock Holmes, or Batman. Adam West, Michael Keaton, Christian Bale, and Ben Affleck all play different versions of Batman in different universes. Though I have a version of the Turtles I like best, I can set aside that prejudice for this review. It's just a very awful film. It's so bad, I don't understand how the current rating stands at 6 stars.

The movie has no real sense of identity, like the filmmakers really had no idea what to do with it. Where are the Turtles going to go? What are they going to do when they get there? Is it going to be spring time or winter? Should it be in the city or in the mountains? Low to the ground in dark settings or high up on roof tops in broad daylight? Are the Turtles stealthy ninjas or mini-Hulks that just needlessly destroy stuff? And are they main characters or secondary plot pieces? Is April O'Neil tech savvy, or does she still conduct interviews with pen and paper? (Through the first half-hour, perhaps even by the end of the film, you'll have a tough time convincing yourself the title shouldn't have been "April O'Neil: The Movie.")

It's very evident that the writers did not know how to work with "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." Again, this has nothing to do with a faithfulness to any kind of version of TMNT. Just, really, they had no clue how to make those four elements work. They're not so much teenagers as they are just dumb. The movie lets the Turtles aspect be self-implied. The Mutants part as well, though it does play loosely into the plot (heh, just kidding, there is no plot). The idea of ninjutsu, though, is a complete afterthought. Seriously, it's just sandwiched in there somewhere and plays no relevance to the story whatsoever, nor has an identifying presence for any character, even Splinter or Shredder.

Yeah, Shredder. That's a whole other useless incorporation. The guy is somewhere between a clunky Power Ranger villain (the ones in great big suits that don't move very well) and Bane from "Batman and Robin." He doesn't even fill the main villain role. That "honor" would go to William Fichtner's character, Eric sounds-like-sex Sacks. Shredder's just a tool. His appearance, fighting-style, and overall awkwardness are all loud, awful reminders of how the filmmakers knew nothing about ninjutsu or how to use it. "You know what? Just make 'em fight with ninja weapons, put lots and lots of blades around, and be sure the word 'Japan' gets into someone's origin story somewhere. Close enough."

Yes, the Turtles are kind of funny, but it's completely incidental. There were times when the movie tried to force something humorous, but in the theater I was in, no one laughed. And I was in a packed house. Their personalities are nothing but typecasting: Leo is the serious control-freak, Raphael the brooding B.A., Michelangelo is a goof-ball, and Donatello is the inventive... nerd! Yeah, nerds are inventive, right? Let's make him a snorting, glasses-wearing dork! You know what, just make him Simon from Alvin and the Chipmunks. You never feel like you get to be a part of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. They're just kind of there. The viewer is more watching from April or Vern's vantage point, never fully involved in the brotherhood.

There's a whole lot more stupid that goes on for the sake of convenience: like Donatello's bo able to flip over an SUV, or the fact that an iron construction beam can't support the weight of Leo and Donnie, but Raph who comes to their rescue can (what, are they as heavy as semi-trucks?). Watch out for the abundance of product-placement. This is a Michael Bay produced film, remember. At one point, Splinter pretty much monologues a Pizza Hut ad.

In closing, I want to leave you with this, because until we get this, these horrible, ridiculous movies will continue to get made. In an interview with an MTV whoever, TMNT producer Michael Bay said that he doesn't care if people think his movies are bad. Speaking specifically about the latest Transformers installation, "They love to hate, and I don't care. Let them hate. They're still going to see the movie!"

This movie is a poo-pile of a film. I'm intentionally avoiding the usual puns like "it was a shell-acking" or "I left the theater shell-shocked" because, again, my affinity for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has nothing to do with how bad this movie is. As long as we keep paying to see what we know is going to be a bad movie, they'll keep getting made. And it doesn't matter that they're bad, because we'll pay for it no matter how bad it is.

Or maybe these movies keep getting manufactured because there is actually a niche of people who like them. After all, it has a rating of 6 out of 10 stars...

Like many other people, the original 1990 "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" movie has a very special place in my childhood. Even if the movie wasn't all that great, it was fantastic for what it was trying to be. Now we're in 2014, where our beloved turtles have been given a whole new lick of paint with a straight-up reboot and have the daunting task of winning the long time TMNT faithful over. Needless to say that for the most part, I am one fan that was not entirely won over.

First and foremost, the Turtles. What is the fundamental premise of the TMNT? They're wise-cracking, pizza-eating, energetic teenagers that just so happen to be mutated ninja turtles that fight crime. The Turtles are goofballs, but in 2014, it's a little bit of a different story. There's still the humor, the jokes and comedy, but now the turtles are massive 6-foot-tall, muscle-bound turtle-men who have a very gritty feel to them, and when they're not in action, look way too real and off-putting. If they weren't green and didn't have shells, the Turtles would literally just be your average hulking action heroes. This franchise is about giant turtles who do martial arts. It's a goofy concept. Giving the Turtles a gritty makeover seems to miss the appeal of the characters in a fundamental way. However, despite the poor design choice of the Turtles, they really are a joy to watch. It might be a lot more serious than you'd expect from TMNT, but the Turtles are still wildly entertaining and more action-fueled than ever with the help of solid effects and choreography that bring the Turtle action to life. If you can withstand the eyesore that the Turtles' design brings, then there is still a lot of old school TMNT magic to revisit.

For the movie's main plot, you have what is essentially the most painfully basic, generic action story that a film can get. The movie is so predictable, it's almost laughable. What is also very disappointing is that the Turtles are no longer fighting crime, even though that's what is essentially believed, but a basic supervillain. Yes, the ultimate TMNT villain Shredder is in the film, but not only does he not get the screen time or proper development he deserves, he's basically cast aside as a secondary villain to the "I'm rich but have to get richer" villain that is Eric Sacks. It's disappointing to not be able to see the Turtles fight their way through dozens of foot soldiers like the old days, with all of the witty remarks during combat intact. There are still funny lines sputtered during combat, but the action scenes are so limited that there's simply not enough of it.

Not helping is the horrendous casting of Megan Fox as April O'Neil. In 1990, April O'Neil was the hot shot news reporter that made the amazing discovery of the Turtles and she developed an amazing bond with them. She was important to the story no doubt, but wasn't essential in the Turtle's story. Fast forward to 2014, and now April is nothing but the center of attention for everything in the movie, even essential back story information about the Turtles. Megan Fox amazingly gets much more screen time than the Turtles, and every time she comes on screen I cringe until our shelled heroes return. Not every action movie has to have an epic story line or to feel gritty and real. TMNT is supposed to be all about the opposite, but the unfortunate presence of producer Michael Bay is clearly felt in the direction of the film. From the camera shots, to the serious tone of the action to the slow motion parts, this movie has too much of a focus on seriousness, when it should be taking itself very lightly.

Like I stated earlier, despite the off-putting design and feel of the Turtles, they still are a lot of fun to watch and are the lifeblood of the film. What is missing, however, is the strong character development of the Turtles. There isn't enough down time in the movie to really get to know them. Some of the best moments of the 1990 film were in the form of the Turtles hanging out, making jokes, eating pizza and training together. That chemistry was not felt as strongly in the new TMNT and the movie just assumes that you all ready know who and what each Turtle is all about. But all you really find out is that one is a jokester, one's a tech geek, one's the leader and one has anger issues. More down time and better character development would've given the Turtles the extra boost to make them the incredibly entertaining bunch they're meant to be.

Being such a huge TMNT fan, I wanted to have higher expectations for this reboot. But with Megan Fox and Michael Bay attached, the poor look and design of the Turtles, along with the general off-setting feel of the film, I had to come in with lower expectations. There are some wonderful action sequences and the Turtles bring enough pop to the movie to make them likable and fun, but sadly, my low expectations were met in this failed attempt the reboot a childhood classic.

5/10

Micheal Bay produced the TMNT franchise with updated CGI and a more Transformers like action sequences with a heavy dose of cheesiness.

Reporter April O'Neil (Megan Fox) discovers the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were her childhood pets that had been injected with a mutagent by a corporation run by her late father and his partner Eric Sacks (William Fichtner.) Her cameraman Vern Fenwick (Will Arnett) tries to help her out while everyone thinks she is crazy about her rantings of vigilante turtles. Meanwhile a criminal gang led by Shredder plan to unleash a virus throughout the city.

The film is entertaining for kids and is undemanding fun. There are explosions, dramatic and over the top action sequences, plenty of quips, a comedy sidekick in Will Arnett. The film avoids the flabbiness that marred the Transformer sequels and like a McDonalds cheeseburger, it fills you up in the short term and would soon be quickly forgotten. Still nothing wrong with a bit of mindless diet of junk every now and then.