Matt Damon credited as playing...
Scott Thorson
- Liberace: I have an eye for new and refreshing talent.
- Scott Thorson: You have an eye for new and refreshing dick.
- Liberace: All of a sudden we're sounding like a gay Lucy and Ricky. "Oh, Ricky, you wouldn't fuck me up the ass if you loved me!"
- Scott Thorson: Why am I the Lucy?
- Liberace: Because I'm the bandleader with the nightclub act.
- Liberace: [after Scott passes out at an adult video store] I'm not ready for apologies, OK?
- Scott Thorson: Apology? Fuck you! You are a well known star! Are you out of your mind, going to a place like that? I mean, what if someone would have recognized you? What if they had gone to the press?
- Liberace: Back in the late 1950s, when a London paper said I was gay, I took them to court and I won that law suit. They retracted the story and they paid me for it.
- Scott Thorson: Only because they didn't have a witness seeing you with a room full of dildos... with your dick hanging out of a glory hole! Are you out of your fucking mind?
- Scott Thorson: Being somebody's boyfriend, I didn't picture my life like this. I wanted to be a veterinarian.
- Liberace: You want to help animals? Pick up the dog shit.
- Scott Thorson: [as they enter Liberace's mansion] This is a palace!
- Bob Black: Lee thinks he's King Ludwig II.
- Scott Thorson: Who's he?
- Bob Black: The Liberace of Bavaria.
- Scott Thorson: Oh, was he a piano-player too?
- Scott Thorson: [to Liberace over the phone while strung-out on cocaine] You scumbag piece of shit! You cheating fairy! You fucking unfaithful queen cocksucker! How dare you? How fucking dare you, Lee? I could kill you! I could fucking kill you!
- Carlucci: [goes outside to deliver Scott some food] He made you a pesto panini.
- Scott Thorson: Oh. Did you, uh... did you bring my Fresca?
- [Carlucci says nothing, looks disapprovingly at him]
- Scott Thorson: What?
- Carlucci: [sighs] Here's what's gonna happen. You listening? You think you're so hot and sexy with your hard ass and that bisexual bullshit. Do you know how many there have been? Bobby, Curtis, Hans, Chase... oh and some country boy stripper who was so dumb that he wore his G-string backwards. He got rid of all of them, but I'm still here. And one day, Lee is gonna call Seymour and he's gonna tell him to get rid of you.
- Scott Thorson: Well, I guess I should be flattered, him wanting me to look like him.
- Bob Black: Imitation's the highest form. That's what they tell drag queens when they're born.
- Scott Thorson: Are you tired of me? Am I too old for you?
- Liberace: Well, this song you're singing is beginning to get a little old.
- Liberace: [to Seymour on the phone] Seymour? I told you not to call this number.
- Seymour Heller: [into the phone] Hi, Lee. I'm sorry, I have to talk to you about these dates. We've got six months of bookings.
- Liberace: I already told you the dates I would do. I'm not working after Thanksgiving during the holidays.
- [quietly to Scott]
- Liberace: Especially now.
- Seymour Heller: But you can make double on holiday shows. Take a vacation later.
- Liberace: Seymour, I do not want to be the richest piano player in the grave. Forget it.
- Scott Thorson: No definitely not. You're already working too hard.
- Seymour Heller: Lee, give the phone to Scott. I have a question for him.
- Scott Thorson: [into the phone] Hey, Seymour.
- Seymour Heller: Hey, Scott. Why don't you stay out of my fucking business? Now give me back to Lee!
- Liberace: [to Seymour] OK! No, you cannot come for dinner tomorrow night, I'm making pork.
- [Scott and Lee snigger]
- Liberace: It was the only thing my father gave me. He was a French horn player. He left us for an oboist.
- Scott Thorson: So that's why you're so musical?
- Liberace: No, that man had nothing to do with it. My talent comes from God.