Adam Sandler credited as playing...
George Simmons
- Eminem: Everyone in this fucking room is either staring at us or wanting to take a fucking picture.
- Ira Wright: [Ira takes a picture of Eminem and George from across the room] Yeah. Got it.
- Ray Romano: E-mail that to me.
- Ira Wright: I will. That's awesome.
- Ray Romano: Yeah.
- Eminem: Who the fuck is that guy right there?
- Eminem: [Eminem points at Ray] That fucking guy right there.
- George Simmons: What? Ray Romano's bothering you?
- Eminem: Who? Ray, Ray who?
- George Simmons: Ray Romano, the guy from "Everybody Loves Raymond".
- Eminem: I don't give a fuck what show he's on. I'll fuck this motherfucker up, man!
- George Simmons: Hey.
- Eminem: Hey, Ray!
- Ray Romano: Hello, Marshall.
- Eminem: Fucking problem here, buddy?
- [Ray shakes his head confused]
- Eminem: Would you like to fuck me? Is that what this is?
- Ray Romano: [to Ira] I don't get it, man. What's going on?
- Eminem: Would you like me to fucking bend over for you right now?
- Ira Wright: [whispering] Say no.
- Ray Romano: No, man.
- Eminem: [to George] I just gotta always be on my toes, man. You know?
- George Simmons: I see that, but not with Ray Romano.
- Ray Romano: [to Ira] This is why I don't go out of the house.
- Ira Wright: I thought everybody loved you.
- Eminem: You know what? I think you fucked up.
- George Simmons: How's that?
- Eminem: I think you fucked up. I think... I don't think you should have took that medicine.
- George Simmons: Why not?
- Eminem: I don't know. Personally, I think you should have just let yourself die. Honestly man, what are - what are gonna do now? Make another bullshit movie? Fuck another chick who doesn't like you? You know? That was your way out right there.
- George Simmons: Mmm.
- Eminem: Now you're fucking stuck.
- George Simmons: Yeah.
- Eminem: You're stuck, just like me. Can't go to fucking Chuck E. Cheese. I can't go to Target, I can't go to Best Buy. I can't go to fucking Wal-Mart, K-Mart. You fucking name it, I can't go there.
- Dr. Lars: It's too early to know who's winning the fight: the medicine or the disease.
- George Simmons: Did anybody ever tell you, you have a very scary accent?
- Dr. Lars: You are a very funny man. I enjoy your movies.
- George Simmons: And I enjoy all of your movies.
- Dr. Lars: [surprised] Which movies?
- George Simmons: The ones where you try to kill Bruce Willis.
- George Simmons: So, Ira Wright? That's not your real name. You're hiding some Judaism.
- Ira Wright: I don't think I can hide that. My face is circumcised.
- Tom Anderson: Do you actually use MySpace?
- George Simmons: No, no, no. I fuck girls, Tom. I don't have time for that.
- George Simmons: Is your act just designed to make sure no girl will ever sleep with you again? All you fuckin' talk about is jacking off and farting. You think a girl's gonna come up to afterward and be like "Oh, would you just jack off for me and then fart in my face?" That's fuckin' insane. Do you want to get laid? Ever?
- George Simmons: I'm surprised nothing happened with you and that girl.
- Ira Wright: She told me she had a boyfriend.
- George Simmons: She told me the same thing--when she was sucking my cock.
- Clarke: Have you worked with Cameron Diaz? That girl is hot, isn't she? Fuck!
- [laughs, then looks at Laura]
- Clarke: What? She's on my free pass list. Who's on yours?
- Laura: George.
- Clarke: [points at George] This George?
- George Simmons: Look out.
- Laura: Yeah.
- Clarke: Oh, well, I'll just have Cameron then. On her surfboard.
- George Simmons: So, which room is yours?
- Ira Wright: Prepare to take a hike, because you're standing in it.
- George Simmons: [in his garage, which is full of free stuff he's accumulated] All right, you can have anything in here. But you gotta take the MerMan poster.
- [points to a movie poster featuring him as a male version of a mermaid]
- Ira Wright: No, I want... I love MerMan!
- George Simmons: I knew you love MerMan. You and five-year-olds love MerMan.
- Ira Wright: It's a smart movie.
- George Simmons: [In "Re-Do"] I took care of you when you were a baby, now you have to do the same for me.