Justin Bartha: Aram Finklestein

The Rebound

Aram Finklestein

Sadie - age 9: [not swayed from the topic] So, you like Mom. Are you two gonna date now?
Aram Finklestein: I don't know.
Sadie - age 9: You don't really know anything, do ya? I mean, she's kinda your girlfriend.
Frank Jr. - age 7: Are you gonna be our new dad?
Sadie - age 9: And, if so, who'll be our nanny?
Frank Jr. - age 7: Yeah, and what'll we call you?
Aram Finklestein: Jesus, I'm not being nominated to Supreme Court here, guys. I just had sex with your mother.
Aram Finklestein: [noticing a distressed mother in the next bowling lane glaring at him while grasping her child protectively] And when I say sex... I mean that I gave her... a nice massage.
Frank Jr. - age 7: [brightly] With sperm.

Lateefah: Aram, I know you took some women's studies courses in college, but other than that, do you have any kind of experience that you think might've prepared you for this job?
Aram Finklestein: Uhh... I used to buy tampons for my mother.
Lateefah: YOU... will fit in perfectly.

Sadie - age 9: [while in a bowling alley] So does that mean you and Mom are gonna have a baby?
Aram Finklestein: Nooo.
Frank Jr. - age 7: I don't get it. You said that spurn makes a baby.
Aram Finklestein: "Sperm," and it does. You know, can we stop talking about this please, okay? I like your mother, and I think she likes me, and that's all that's important.
Sadie - age 9: And you also work for her.

Aram Finklestein: You said it yourself. You don't wanna just coast - you know, just coast along - well, this isn't coasting. This is - this is roller coasting.

Sandy: Someone like you shouldn't be with someone like me - an old girlfriend with two kids.
Aram Finklestein: You're an ageist.
Sandy: Yeah. Yeah. I'm an old ageist.

Lateefah: Aram, I know you took some women's studies course in college. But other than that, do you have any kind of experience that you think might have prepared you for this job?
Aram Finklestein: Uh... I used to by tampons for my mother.
Lateefah: You will fit in perfectly.
[shakes hands]
Lateefah: Yes.

Rabbi: There are times when the lost must be found, and other times when the lost must find themselves.
Roberta Finklestein: Very well said Rabbi. It's not that he's a bad little boy - just misguided, falling in with the wrong crowd.
Aram Finklestein: Are you talking about me? I only hang out with you and Dad?
Rabbi: The battles are not only fought on the battlefield, Roberta but also in the soul.
Aram Finklestein: My soul is fine.

Aram Finklestein: I wasn't really thinking clearly there after Alice. And suddenly I just had this very clear thought in my head. What really matters are the people in my life. And you and your family were, are some of those people that make me feel good, make my life good, every day.
Sandy: That is the most wonderfully and jaded naive thing I've ever heard. It's rare to find a guy who's - such a romantic.

Sandy: A couple of the Vikings players, were charged of sexually assaulting a stripper. I have to come up with something pithy for Laura to lead with.
Aram Finklestein: Well, Vikings have been attacking people on ships for centuries now.

Mitch: Are you gonna date your boss? Oh, that's hot. Oh, man. Oh, wait no, she's like 60 though, I thought.
Aram Finklestein: She's 40.
Mitch: But she's got like a hundred kids though.
Aram Finklestein: Two.
Mitch: So, when is all this going down?

Sandy: [Frank Jr. interrupts Aram and Sandy's first intimate interaction] Frank? What are you doing up?
Frank Jr. - age 7: Was Aram peeing on you?
Aram Finklestein: No! Frank...
Sandy: No.
Aram Finklestein: I would never do that.
Frank Jr. - age 7: Okay. Are you sleeping over?
Sandy: No!
Aram Finklestein: No. No?

Sandy: Don't you wanna - travel around the world, you know, get crazy, rock Cleveland, do things that people your age supposed to do?
Aram Finklestein: Rock Cleveland?
Sandy: Yeah, rock it.