Jason Segel: Marshall Eriksen

The Chain of Screaming

Marshall Eriksen

Barney Stinson: That's why there's a little thing in corporate America I like to call the chain of screaming
Marshall Eriksen: The chain of screaming?
Barney Stinson: Yes. The chain of screaming starts at the top. Arthur's boss's boss screams at Arthur's boss. Arthur's boss screams at Arthur. Arthur screams at you. You go home and scream at Lily. Lily screams at one of the kids in her kindergarten class. Then that kid screams at her dad: Arthur's boss's boss. And the whole thing starts all over again; thus completing the circle of screaming
Ted Mosby: I thought you said it was a chain of screaming?
Barney Stinson: It's a circle, Ted. I called it a circle.
Marshall Eriksen: I don't scream at Lily
Lily Aldrin: And I don't scream at my kids. None of whom have parents that work at Marshall's firm.
Robin Scherbatsky: So it's not a circle
Barney Stinson: [Angry] Fine! You want it to be a chain of screaming? A chain of screaming. I come up with the circle idea halfway through because I thought it was a more elegant metaphor, but fine, RUIN it. You guys always undermine me when I'm trying to make a point and I'm sick of it. Argh! I'm surrounded by idiots. IDIOTS.
[Normal]
Barney Stinson: See, doesn't everyone feel better now?

Barney Stinson: You know what, if you're not gonna yell at the waiter, yell at me.
Marshall Eriksen: What?
Barney Stinson: Yell at me.
Marshall Eriksen: I'm not gonna yell at you, Barney.
Barney Stinson: Why? You think you're gonna upset me? Please, give me your best shot.
Marshall Eriksen: Ok, fine. Do you want me to yell at you?
Barney Stinson: Yeah.
Marshall Eriksen: This is me, yelling at you, Barney!
Barney Stinson: I'm sorry I couldn't hear you over the sound of a butterfly landing on a leaf about three blocks away.
Marshall Eriksen: This is me, yelling at you, Barney!
Barney Stinson: Okay, you got some volume now give me some content, make it hurt!
Marshall Eriksen: You don't look as good in suits as you think you do!
Barney Stinson: No, something that it's true, come on. The man made you cry, make me cry!

Barney Stinson: Dude, I can't believe you cried in front of your boss.
Marshall Eriksen: I don't know what happened. There is just something about been yelled like that, like I was being spurred by my dad, suddenly... suddenly I was a little boy.
Robin Scherbatsky: Is boy the right word?

Ted Mosby: [Telling Marshall what to do after crying in front of his boss] Marshall, you go in and you dazzle this guy with a big, eloquent speech defending human dignity. Like Abraham Lincoln.
Marshall Eriksen: Yeah, like it's so easy to bust out a big eloquent speech off the top of your head.
Ted Mosby: [Clears throat] Observe.
[Flash to Ted as Marshall at his job]
Ted Mosby: Arthur.
Arthur Hobbs: What do you want Marshall
Ted Mosby: Justice, sir. See, we're all born with certain incontrovertible rights. The most fundamentally paramount of which is the right...
[Cuts off]
Ted Mosby: Wait, you can't be fundamentally paramount. One means highest, one means lowest.
Arthur Hobbs: You are nailing this.
Ted Mosby: [Tries again] Human beings have rights. And those rights are, um...
Arthur Hobbs: You got me hooked, reel me in.
Ted Mosby: There are certain justices that cannot, and will not be inalienable, as such... for the future!

Marshall Eriksen: [Ted sells his car so Marshall and Lily can keep their apartment] You sure about this?
Ted Mosby: Yeah. Who needs a car in New York city anyway?
Marshall Eriksen: Ted, I don't think I can accept...
Ted Mosby: Marshall, don't make me scream at you.
Marshall Eriksen: Thanks, buddy.
Ted Mosby: You guys did it in the car, didn't you?
Marshall Eriksen: Oh yeah.

Marshall Eriksen: They always told me that working at a big law firm was like being at war. You get out of law school, it's like getting out of boot camp
[Flash to Marshall at work]
Marshall Eriksen: That first day at work, you're storming the beaches, full of piss and vinegar.
Ferguson: Dude, we're lawyers now.
Marshall Eriksen: Totally.
Ferguson: We've got briefcases and everything!
Marshall Eriksen: [Excited] Frickin' briefcases!
Ferguson: You have anything in yours?
Marshall Eriksen: Totally empty. You?
Ferguson: Candy bars!
Marshall Eriksen: [narrating] Then you get in the trenches; side-by-side with your buddies and you feel a sense of camaraderie. But before too long, the shells start to fall...