Russell Brand credited as playing...
Aldous Snow
- Aaron Green: [as Sergio is chasing after them in a hotel lobby] This is the longest hallway of all time!
- Aldous Snow: It's Kubrickian!
- Aldous Snow: I was watching the news one day and I saw footage about, uh, war, and I think it was Darfur, or Zimbabwe, or Rwanda, or one of 'em, and I thought, 'this isn't right, is it?' And I made some phone calls and it turns out, it isn't.
- Aldous Snow: What you did was very spiteful, but it was also very brave and very honest and I respect you for doing that. But the content of what you said has made me hate you. So there's a layer of respect, admittedly, for your truthfulness, but it's peppered with hate. Hateful respect.
- Aldous Snow: I labored under the myth of monogamy for sever years with Jackie and it was pointless.
- Aaron Green: So you only slept with Jackie?
- Aldous Snow: No, I slept with other people but I always told her about it. Monogamy.
- Aldous Snow: We're gonna fuck these two girls.
- Aaron Green: I just got out of a relationship.
- Aldous Snow: Was your ex a blonde or brunette?
- Aaron Green: Brunette.
- Aldous Snow: Blonde it is.
- Jackie Q: The old Aldous, would've you know, had his way with you he would have bent you over that pretty little chair and had his way and now we'd be having a three way you'd be coming over for a cognac later I'll tell you that sweetie. You bet that's not happening anymore.
- Aldous Snow: Do you want me to start drinking again? Is that what you'd like? You want me to return to that?
- Jackie Q: Maybe you should. Maybe you should.
- Aldous Snow: I'll do lines off her forehead while I'm in her up to my nuts. Is that what you want?
- Jackie Q: I'm just saying.
- Aldous Snow: [as he is watching TV] Didn't I have sex with her once?
- [Aldous sees Sarah Marshall on TV]
- Aldous Snow: Yeah, I did.
- Aaron Green: [Aaron has a balloon full of heroin up his ass] Oh, no.
- Aldous Snow: What?
- Aaron Green: I have to sneeze... and I'm afraid that if I do... my bowels will evacuate...
- [Aldous is talking to Jackie]
- Lars Ulrich: Babe, we should get back to Naples. He's waiting back there for us.
- Aldous Snow: Why don't you go sue Napster, you little Danish twat!
- Aldous Snow: Aaron, look at what you're wearing. Do you think that now you live in Seattle, you're grunge or something? You look like a lesbian.
- Aaron Green: Play the song, man.
- Aldous Snow: Doesn't it make sense that we should stay here and possibly have the time of your life?
- Aldous Snow: Now I'm just worried about drugs. Your life's to-do list must be a baffling document. You're worried about so many things Aaron. You're worried about will we get to the show, will I perform well, will you get the credit you deserve. Mine has on it but one word. Do you know what that word is?
- Aaron Green: I think I just got raped.
- Aldous Snow: [handing him a joint] Only one thing to do.
- Aaron Green: [taking a hit] Uh, guys? What is this stuff? My heart's going really fast.
- Aldous Snow: Oh, it's a bit of this, a bit of that. It's called a Jeffrey. It's mostly weed, with a bit of opium as well... ground-up E's... heroin... Clorox...
- Aaron Green: I think I'm having a heart attack.
- Aldous Snow: [urging Aaron to put drugs up his rectum] Come on, mate, we ain't got all day. It's not recreational, it's not meant to be a hobby, just get it up there. Close the door behind ya.