Daveigh Chase credited as playing...
- [last lines]
- Randy: Where you gonna go?
- Sam: Virginia.
- Randy: What's it like?
- Sam: Sucks.
- Pastor John: I used to be like you.
- Corey: What, you had a training bra?
- Pastor John: Not exactly. But when I was your age, I experienced things that made me feel like God didn't exist. Maybe you've experienced something like that too.
- Sam: You don't know anything about me.
- Pastor John: I can see that you're in pain.
- Sam: I'm alive.
- Pastor John: Is that how you see life?
- Sam: Till farts taste like cherries, yeah.
- Corey: What do you think God's farts taste like?
- Sam: Marshmallow Peeps.
- Pastor John: You girls new in town?
- Sam: Just passing through.
- Pastor John: Well, you gonna be around a little while, you might as well stop and get some pizza at my Bible study. Lot of fun.
- Corey: Oh, I'm satanic.
- [gesturing to Sam]
- Corey: She's half-Jehovah, quarter Jew and a tiny bit retarded.
- Pastor John: Well, we're nondenominational. We accept all types, even those with horns.
- [first lines]
- Corey: Only two more good mornings.
- Sam: Only one more day.
- Corey: We're so perfect.
- Sam: Immaculate.
- Sam: Four days, 17 hours, 26 minutes, 31 seconds. That is when the world will end.
- Trudy: I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
- Sam: Really? What's he like?
- Trudy: He's big and strong... tan... lots of muscles... he's got lightning bolts shooting out of his eyes.
- Sam: Good thing sinners can repent, right?
- Agatha: [about Iraq Jack] He should've died up on that windmill.
- Corey: I was thinking we chop off his balls and stone him.
- Sam: Light him on fire if gas was wasn't so expensive.
- Jeremy: This - This is - This is impossible!
- Sam: What? The fireworks?
- Jeremy: No. The tesseracts!
- [At Randy's party, Jeremy loses his glasses]
- Sam: [leans over and hands them to him]
- Jeremy: Right under my nose.
- [holding out her $20]
- Jeremy: I wanted to buy your lunch.
- Sam: That's sweet.
- Jeremy: I don't usually come to these kind of things.
- Sam: So, uh, why'd you come to this one?
