John Cusack credited as playing...
Adam
- Adam: [to Lou] You are the patron saint of the totally fucked. You're completely toxic. There's nothing you can't kill. You're the fucking Violator!
- Nick: Lou, why would he do this?
- Adam: Why? I mean make a list. He's an alcoholic, he's divorced, his wife ran off with that Jamaican guy.
- Nick: He's failed at every jived ass money hustle he's ever tried.
- Adam: He has a mountain of debt.
- Nick: He hates his mother.
- Adam: Hates himself, hates everybody.
- Nick: He has erectile dysfunction.
- Adam: He's got halitosis.
- Nick: He's got that right ball! One less ball, shriveled up
- Adam: Oh yeah!
- Nick: ...like a... spoiled grape.
- Adam: I don't know. It's just like an accumulation of punishment.
- Lou: [Throws a pillow] FUCK YOU GUYS!
- Adam: One little change has a ripple effect, and it effects everything else. Like a butterfly floats its wings and Tokyo explodes, or there's a tsunami, in like, you know, somewhere.
- Jacob: Yes, exactly. You step on the bug, and the fucking internet is never invented.
- Lou: Oh, then you'll have to talk to girls with your mouth.
- Jacob: Yeah. No. I was more concerned about bigger consequences like not being born.
- Lou: Yeah; No, I don't care about that.
- Nick: Just like Cincinatti.
- Lou: What?
- Adam: You're gonna bring that up?
- Lou: We said we weren't gonna talk about Cincinatti ever, okay?
- Jacob: Is that why you have that shoebox in your closet that says "Cincinatti"?
- Adam: Yeah!
- Lou: What? That's fucking admissible!
- Nick: You keep it in the closet?
- Adam: What was I supposed to do with it? You can't bury those things.
- Nick: You wrote "Cincinatti" on it?
- Adam: How do I know which one it's supposed to be?
- Jacob: Is it a fetus?
- Nick: My friends are ridiculous.
- Adam: I knew this trip was a bad idea. Every time I hang out with you, man, it's some kind of shit storm. I got guilted into coming on this trip and now I'm back in the fuckin' '80s. And I hate this decade!
- Adam: Listen to me, man. That guy, that guy has pummeled you again and again.
- Nick: He made you his little bitch!
- Adam: He's humiliated you, emasculated you. The wheel of fate has stopped and dumped you here again, utterly defeated.
- Lou: None of this is helping me at all.
- Adam: I know, it's coming. It's coming right now.
- Nick: Patience.
- Adam: Maybe you're supposed to do something different...
- Blaine: What is this, girl talk? Let's go here, come on.
- Adam: You're better than him!
- Blaine: America!
- Adam: Maybe not by a lot, but a little. You're the patron saint of the totally fucked. You're completely toxic. There's nothing you can't kill. You're the fucking Violator!
- Blaine: The moment's over. Let's go!
- Adam: You can do this! You can get us the fuck out of here! You can be the hero!
- Nick: Enrique'-fucking'-lglesias.
- Adam: You love that song, don't you?
- Lou: I love that fucking song!
- [Lou gets up, launches himself one-footed off of the couch at Blaine. Blaine moves out of the way and punches Lou twice, knocking him back to the ground]
- Adam: Shit.
- Lou: God damn it! None of what you said worked at all!
- Dr. Jeff: I'm Dr. Jeff. Lou's resting. He's denying that it's a suicide attempt. Medically, he's stable; so, medically we can't keep him here. But, we do think he should be monitored for a few days. Does he have any family?
- Adam: Lou's family all kind of hate him.
- Dr. Jeff: Okay, well, then, I guess it's up to you guys - his friends You are his friends? Right?
- Nick: It's like that friend who's the asshole. He's our asshole.