Rob Corddry credited as playing...
Lou
- Lou: Here's a question. Was it morally wrong for me to exploit my knowledge of the future for personal financial gain? Perhaps. Here's another question. Do I give a fuck?
- Lou: [Trying to disclaim rumors of his impotence] I can't believe I'm fucking Adam's sister! I'm doing it! Oh God! I'm gonna cum! Shia Lebeouf! Dropping loads! So much fucking semen. Little Tiny Jacobs!
- Nick: Lou, why would he do this?
- Adam: Why? I mean make a list. He's an alcoholic, he's divorced, his wife ran off with that Jamaican guy.
- Nick: He's failed at every jived ass money hustle he's ever tried.
- Adam: He has a mountain of debt.
- Nick: He hates his mother.
- Adam: Hates himself, hates everybody.
- Nick: He has erectile dysfunction.
- Adam: He's got halitosis.
- Nick: He's got that right ball! One less ball, shriveled up
- Adam: Oh yeah!
- Nick: ...like a... spoiled grape.
- Adam: I don't know. It's just like an accumulation of punishment.
- Lou: [Throws a pillow] FUCK YOU GUYS!
- Adam: One little change has a ripple effect, and it effects everything else. Like a butterfly floats its wings and Tokyo explodes, or there's a tsunami, in like, you know, somewhere.
- Jacob: Yes, exactly. You step on the bug, and the fucking internet is never invented.
- Lou: Oh, then you'll have to talk to girls with your mouth.
- Jacob: Yeah. No. I was more concerned about bigger consequences like not being born.
- Lou: Yeah; No, I don't care about that.
- Lou: If I wanted to kill myself, I'd fucking kill myself. I'd be awesome at it. A shotgun to the dick.
- Nick: Just like Cincinatti.
- Lou: What?
- Adam: You're gonna bring that up?
- Lou: We said we weren't gonna talk about Cincinatti ever, okay?
- Jacob: Is that why you have that shoebox in your closet that says "Cincinatti"?
- Adam: Yeah!
- Lou: What? That's fucking admissible!
- Nick: You keep it in the closet?
- Adam: What was I supposed to do with it? You can't bury those things.
- Nick: You wrote "Cincinatti" on it?
- Adam: How do I know which one it's supposed to be?
- Jacob: Is it a fetus?
- Nick: My friends are ridiculous.
- Receptionist: I do have a reservation here for a Nick Webber-Agnew.
- Lou: [overhears Nick's name] ... Webber-Agnew?, Webber *fucking* Agnew?, you took your wife's last name?
- Nick: It's progressive, a lot of dudes are doing it.