Brandon Routh credited as playing...
Scott Teller
- Mary: God damn it, Scott! No one wants to see it work out between you and Leslie more than Ryan and I. You are screwing it up!
- Scott: What am I screwing up?
- Ryan: You asked her to move in after two dates.
- Mary: Two!
- Ryan: Come on, man! Couldn't scare her away any faster if you told her if you were a Nazi sympathizer who's into fondling puppy balls!
- Mary: Or a chronic masturbater!
- [Mary grabs Ryan's groin]
- Scott: Mary, come on!
- Mary: Come on, what? Want me to act like it's no big deal that my man's at half-mast? It is a big deal!
- Scott: We're just having some guy time, all right? He'll just keep it in his pants.
- Ryan: [high-pitch voice] Uh-huh.
- Scott: I promise.
- Ryan: And, um, if it's any consolation as you can see, I am completely flaccid now.
- Scott: We all are, Ryan. We all are.
- Mary: [referring to Bar Patron] You have to get rid of him. He is trying to get into my pants!
- Scott: So? He's not going to. It's not like you're tempted to sleep with him or anything.
- Mary: I'm tempted to fuck his brains out. I'd fuck him, I fuck that guy, I'd fuck the guy doing air-guitaring back there. I can fuck everybody I can see right now 'cause I just want the chance to be with somebody else. This is the reason I cannot be trusted without Ryan around me at all times. Just once I want to be with another guy without Ryan in the room. Can you understand that? I'm sick of fucking the same person over and over and over and over again!