Star Runners

If you've seen Star Wars, Starship Troopers, The Fifth Element, then you've already seen all the parts of this movie. If you've seen a few Sci-Fi Channel Originals, then you've already had a taste of the bad and boring that this baby will bring to you, like brussel sprouts to a toddler.

My husband, who had not seen Starship Trooprs or The Fifth Element, was more entertained and said, "That wasn't as bad as their usual movies." I didn't have the heart to tell him that it was.

I will admit that the acting isn't *as bad* as a lot of the other Originals, but the script and the story (or rather, lack thereof) are.

The only way this one won't waste your time is if you are bedridden and you can't change the channel. Even then, pray for enough NyQuil to knock you out; there's not much here to miss.

A TV movie that is a cross between PITCH BLACK and THE FIfTH ELEMENT, with a little SERENITY thrown in for good measure. A space crew is ferrying a crate that turns out to contain a female with extraordinary powers. Naturally, various bad guys are after her. The crew ends up stuck on a planet full of man-eating creatures. You can figure where it goes from there. Shot in Bulgaria with a no-name cast. Interestingly enough, perhaps out of political correctness, the female with the weird powers is played by a black woman. In ELEMENT and SERENITY, similar characters were played by white actresses. At best, RUNNERS is a time killer. Catchy title, though. Takes me back to the '70s and '80s and several kitschy sci-fi flicks that were all ripoffs of STAR WARS.

Ty Johns and Lei Chen are smugglers in space. They get caught but the authorities give them a second chance. They are to transport a crate but this time, they have a look inside. It's a naked girl named Asta. They crash onto a planet infested with giant killer bugs.

This is a TV movie from The Sci-Fi Channel. Finding a naked girl in a crate is Firefly. Giant killer bugs is classic sci-fi horror. This is a B-movie. Its production is second tier TV level. It's all second tier. It is what it is.

"Star Runners" is what happens when you take every science fiction movie or TV series of the past three decades, put them in a blender, then take the result and set it on fire. The best part of watching this movie is identifying which sci-fi franchise they're ripping off at the moment. It may be Star Wars in one scene, Firefly in the next, then Starship Troopers and Aliens down the line. At least with this film, the Sci-Fi Channel blew most of their budget hiring a couple of decent actors, Star Trek: Enterprise's Connor Trinneer, and Heroes' James Kyson Lee. Of course, most of the rest of the cast comes from various former Soviet republics. But that's okay, because Star Runners is probably the best Sci-Fi Original Movie to come out yet... Not that that's saying much.

Yes, it the plot is incredibly formulalistic. Yes, the CGI is largely inept. But no one who has viewed "Centipede" or "AVH: Alien vs. Hunter" or the "War of the Worlds" remake with C. Thomas Howell could legitimately rate this one (1) out of ten (10). The movie is fast paced, though hokey; the actors (particularly Trinneer and Lee) are largely competent to good; the villains are evil enough; the chicks are attractive if not gorgeous. The plot is thin, but has some interesting science fiction content. The most negative thing I can say is that the evil humans are scripted poorly, directed without much spirit, and underplayed by actors who maybe don't have much talent. Michel Culkin (Colonel/General Bishop) certainly isn't Sidney Greenstreet, but probably suffers more from weak material and dull direction than acting ineptness. This is definitely not great theater, but it is certainly an acceptable SciFi (I just reject that SyFy inanity) space opera.