I fall asleep 2 days in a row trying to complete this movie
Let's talk about Insidious: The Red Door, or as it should be aptly renamed, 'Insidious: A Guide to Napping.' This cinematic marvel has redefined the horror genre into something truly horrific: a cure for insomnia.
Every so-called jumpscare? I spotted those from another time zone. The most intriguing characters must have been playing hide and seek because they were nowhere to be found. Instead, we're saddled with Dalton and Chris, characters so devoid of charisma, they make a cardboard cutout look like a Shakespearean hero.
Dalton, our 'hero', has the emotional range of a teaspoon on a good day. Watching him attempt to convey feelings is like observing a robot trying to understand human emotions - a valiant effort but ultimately, a fail. And Chris? She seems to be in the movie for the sole purpose of filling the diversity quota and to offer a walking, talking reminder: 'We're inclusive! Look!'
These two could have single-handedly sunk the Titanic with their on-screen chemistry, or lack thereof. But let's not put all the blame on them - the movie itself is like a tranquilizer dart to the senses. A swirling vortex of boredom that sucks you into a state of catatonic disinterest.
When the highlight of your movie experience is the popcorn you ate, you know you've stumbled upon a cinematic masterpiece - of the sleeping aid variety. I fell asleep twice trying to watch it, which is quite the achievement considering I was actively trying to pay attention.
So, if you're in desperate need of a sleep aid, 'Insidious: The Red Door' is your ticket to dreamland. Just don't expect any nightmares, unless you count the nightmare of realizing you can't get those hours of your life back."
PS: the movie is so undeserving that I asked ChatGPT to help me do this review. I guess even an AI can understand how bad the movie is. At this point, even ChatGPT can make a better script.
Every so-called jumpscare? I spotted those from another time zone. The most intriguing characters must have been playing hide and seek because they were nowhere to be found. Instead, we're saddled with Dalton and Chris, characters so devoid of charisma, they make a cardboard cutout look like a Shakespearean hero.
Dalton, our 'hero', has the emotional range of a teaspoon on a good day. Watching him attempt to convey feelings is like observing a robot trying to understand human emotions - a valiant effort but ultimately, a fail. And Chris? She seems to be in the movie for the sole purpose of filling the diversity quota and to offer a walking, talking reminder: 'We're inclusive! Look!'
These two could have single-handedly sunk the Titanic with their on-screen chemistry, or lack thereof. But let's not put all the blame on them - the movie itself is like a tranquilizer dart to the senses. A swirling vortex of boredom that sucks you into a state of catatonic disinterest.
When the highlight of your movie experience is the popcorn you ate, you know you've stumbled upon a cinematic masterpiece - of the sleeping aid variety. I fell asleep twice trying to watch it, which is quite the achievement considering I was actively trying to pay attention.
So, if you're in desperate need of a sleep aid, 'Insidious: The Red Door' is your ticket to dreamland. Just don't expect any nightmares, unless you count the nightmare of realizing you can't get those hours of your life back."
PS: the movie is so undeserving that I asked ChatGPT to help me do this review. I guess even an AI can understand how bad the movie is. At this point, even ChatGPT can make a better script.
- alexvojacek
- Jan 4, 2024